BREAK: Artist Reflection

BREAK

My final project is called “BREAK” and I consider it to be the best piece that I have crafted in this class. The initial prompt we were given was “play”, which came to just mean do anything. What I wanted to do was find a way to show people what it is like to be inside my brain, what it means to fight to depression and deal with putting an insane amount of pressure on yourself constantly. After the Ferguson and Garner cases, however, my thinking became much less introspective. I no longer desired to make something for myself, I wanted to share a more universal message because that is the effect I want my art to have on people. So I came up with a master and a puppet concept (almost directly inspired by master hand from the Super Smash Bros series) and got to work. I played around with the idea of fate and how we as humans are affected by it. Your view on fate will undoubtedly differ from mine but in my eyes we are all subject to a kind of fate. We are fated to either be a person who is controlled or not, and it goes deeper than that but that is the core concept. As a creator my biggest fear is that one day I will be in a position where I am not in charge of my own life. This could be because of a job I have, a place I live, or just a change in personality. So to fight this I created a piece where a character literally breaks from the hold of his oppressor...or did he? I left things open ended, not spelling out the whereabouts of the two characters because that is not the point. Freedom and choice are always going to be in a state of shifting intensity, and your relationships to these concepts will change over time. For me now my definition of freedom is having the power to create as much as I got just for the sake of creating. Whether we are on a pre-determined track or not doesn't really matter honestly because we will always be the biggest catalyst in our own lives. This project reminded my how much I champion the idea of self-control. Everything starts with you. Watching my own film made me emotional because it reminded me of how many people are in chains and feel too helpless to try and break free. These chains could be: depression, a job, a bad relationships, etc. yet they are not seen because it is so easy to just accept negative factors that keep you down. Sometimes all you need to do to achieve freedom is be who you want to be, regardless of negative energy that might try and stop you.

This project is my love letter to any artist that has inspired me and pushed me to develop my own idea of what it means to break the cycle of control. In this class I have heard stories of students dealing with so much adversity, yet the videos they make are amazing. We are not all born equal or viewed as equal in this world and that is just a sad fact. However we can make ourselves equal, by standing up for what we believe in and not letting the world control how we see ourselves. That is what this class had reaffirmed in my mind, that my vision to create and inspire will never be squashed by any outside force that would rather see me silent.  

E and Z

“It is amazing how much space is just...out there,” proclaimed Ellie as she gazed up at the night sky.

“Yea, almost like they call it space for a reason,” replied Zee in a sarcastic manner.

At this response Ellie threw a chip at Zee as he laughed at his own joke; soon enough she was laughing as well and the joyful sound filled the empty parking lot they were in. Classes had just let out and everyone was coming home for summer. Zee had done his best to get Ellie alone before she was too busy being everyone else's best friend over the vacation. He had planned it all out beforehand: sitting in the back of his Kia soul with the trunk open and the seats down, looking up at the stars, and no one around to kill the moment. There was silence as the two soaked up the starlight and time slowed to a halt.

“I just bought my plane ticket to Paris today,” Ellie said still staring off in the endless abyss.

“What? Plane ticket? W-when do you leave?” Zee was trying to keep calm and not sound shocked, knowing that his heart skipped a few beats.

“Next month. I told you I got into that study abroad program in York right? Well I just found out that I can go to Paris for a special introduction program for about 6 weeks because of that.”

“What? How the hell does that work?”

“To be honest I am not sure, the email said 'Paris' and I just started screaming. Art History perks I guess.”

“I am pretty sure that is the first time the phrase 'Art History perks' has been uttered unironically.”

They both laughed again...and then silence. Zee felt like all of his planning had just fallen apart. It is hard enough as it is to love your best friend, but how can you love something that physically won't be there? In his head we was going through hundreds of options; individual mental pathways all trying to reach the same destination. How can he make this work? His brain was overclocked, so much so that he simply spouted an automatic response.

“Paris has always been your dream yea?” His words were sincere but Ellie could feel a sort of tension in them.

“Yea, ever since I was little. At this point Paris has become this dumb fantasy for a lot of girls, but as an artist how can I not want to go there? It must be so fucking nice to live in a city that actually values artistic integrity.” Ellie was never one to mince words, it was part of her charm.

“Yea man a city of lights, culture, and class. Seems like the kind of place you'd fall in love in.” Zee mind was still lost in thought, trying to see if he could rob a bank or maybe sell drugs for a month to raise money for a plane ticket.

“Love? I don't know about all that you big nerd, I just want to experience the city.” Ellie looked over and gave Zee a smile. That smile. It was the same smile he had grown so immensely fond of. The smile she gave when they had first met during a summer years ago. The smile he brought out of her all the times she had been stressed or distraught. The smile he couldn't imagine not seeing for months at a time.

“Uh...I mean yea of course, that's what I meant dude.” Zee started awkwardly fiddling with his Zune and Aux cord setup. He had been subtly playing Because the Internet, one of he and Ellie's favorite albums, in the background in an attempt to impress her. Suddenly that all seemed so pointless now. Paris had stolen his chance from him. He was so lost in his own mind that he didn't hear Ellie talking talking to him.

“Are you a traveler?” Ellie asked.

“What?” Zee had no idea where this conversation was going.

“Are you a traveler? Do you see yourself traveling the world and getting as lost in other countries as you are in yourself right now?” Ellie was mocking him, but in a playful way. He could tell the difference, friendship is funny that way.

“No...I am more of a wanderer, lost in thought with a keen eye for pretty words.” Zee's poetic tendencies reared their head without his intention. Creative minds are funny that way.

“So tell me Mr. Wanderer, what is new in your life?” Ellie smiled widened, she had always been a fan of Zee's poetry.

“W-well...there's this girl...” Zee watched Ellie closely as a her smile slowly faded. She had heard that line from him so many times it was almost impressive.

“Ahh, there is always a girl.” Ellie sighed. Some things never change.

“No but this girl is special!” Zee exclaimed a bit louder than he should have.

“They are always special.”

“I mean more special, she is...different.”

“They are always different.”

“You just don't understand.” Zee crossed is arms behind his head and started to take comfort in the stars again.

“You do have a flair for the dramatic. Tell me what makes this girl so special.” Ellie was genuinely curious now, it was rare to see Zee get so riled up over a crush.

“Well...she uh, I mean...fuck.” Zee for once was at a lost for words. Love is funny that way.

“Wow, this girl must be really something.” Ellie was giggling now, clearly enjoying her companions discomfort.

“Well for one thing...she is going to Paris in a month.” Zee said this quietly, but even so Ellie could hear it and the tension suddenly became another passenger in the car.

“Uh...” Ellie felt embarrassed for teasing Zee, and for the first time since the car had stopped moving she noticed the album playing in the background.

“I-im sorry.” Proclaimed Zee. “I wasn't trying to make this awkward or try anything I just...” He reprimanded himself for driving 20 minutes out of town to get to this secluded area, not even thinking about how horrid the drive back would be if he was rejected.

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Ellie sounded nervous but confident. You know someone long enough and things just tend to pop into place.

More silence.

“Hey...when you go to Paris, you will still talk to me right?” Zee's paranoid was showing.

Ellie thought long and hard before looking at Zee. She gave him a smile,that smile, before turning the music on the Zune up, knowing full well that she was one of the only people he trusted with his music. The two sat in the car for what seemed like an eternity, watching the stars tell stories about the planets they surround. In their minds they both knew there was no place they would rather be. Not even Paris.

End.