Thoughts On: Tetsuo & Youth

Recommended Listening: Mural, Prisoner 1 & 2, Adoration of the Magi

Welcome back to another installment of Thoughts On, where I feign musical knowledge in such a way to trick my readers into thinking I can write legit reviews. Just a warning now this will be one of the most bias things I ever write because this week we are talked about Lupe Fiasco's 'Tetsuo & Youth'. Now Lupe is one of my favorite rappers whom I have been following for years and I was anxiously waiting this release back in January. I would like to say that I spent the almost two months between release and this write up deeply analyzing the album but honestly I just got caught up in a bunch more music. That being said I think this work is phenomenal and I am going to try my best to fairly explain my point of view. It should also be noted that this may be the last album from Lupe for a while, as he split with his current label and wants to disappear from the mainstream eye after promotion of his album is done.

I remember being a junior in high school and catching wind of this rapper by the name of Lupe Fiasco. Curious I do what I always do, download multiple albums and try and access whether or not I like this artist. These albums I got of course being 'Food & Liquor' and 'The Cool', which now stand as classics of the 00's era of hip-hop music. But who was this Lupe character? Well he is a rapper from Chicago (one of the biggest breeding grounds of major rappers) who was probably first notably heard on a guest verse on Kanye West's song 'Touch the sky', where his clever wordplay and nerdy overtones gathered attention. Later that year his solo album (Food and Liquor) dropped and the rest is history. Now Lupe is an interesting rapper in his own right, he is lyrically one of the most complex rappers I have ever heard (matched only really by Kendrick and Eminem) but his real power is how he is able to paint such complex narratives within his music that is so vivid it is almost tangible. He talks a lot of video games, anime, and early on how he used to hate hip-hop music. At the time I resonated more so with him than any other rapper (Except Gambino) and I was amazed that one could be so outwardly nerdy and still be a respected rapper. His first two albums were chock full of allusions that took months to fully decipher and Lupe become the new face of Conscious Rap. To anyone who doesn't know, Conscious Rap is simply a pet name given to a sub-genre of hip-hop that focuses on either pressing external issues or puts emphasis on intelligent lyricism. As years went on however Lupe became entangled with his Atlantic music label and put out the less than stellar album 'Lasers', which has an odd mix of positive energy and anti establishment views. It was a high polarizing album' with most Lupe fans not liking the direction his music was taking. Later on in 2012 he released 'Food and Liquor part II' and while it was much better than Lasers it still did not live up to the legacy of his earlier work. At lot of this was apparently caused by what the label did and didn't want Lupe to put on his albums, and Tetsuo & Youth was shaping up to be an entirely different album before he took a bit more control and changed the whole project. There were a good 3 singles released to promote the album and none of them made it on. The only single the album has is Deliver, which is a result of the project changing so much in its life cycle.

So what does the album sound like? Well T&Y has a bit of a short track list, a 16 piece album made up of 12 tracks and 4 interludes based on the 4 seasons, but it does not lack in length or depth. The album starts with the interlude 'Summer' in which a bright violin plays while you can hear the sounds of children splashing in water in the background. From the jump it seems like Lupe is going with a more artist approach, and while some may see this as pretentious I see it as purposeful. He wants this album to be a reflection of his artistry and not just a collection of singles. After Summer we get 'Mural', a fantastic 9 minute song with no hook that is just Lupe doing what he does best. It samples the song 'Chanson d'Un Jour d'Hive' by Cortex and has probably one of the best sounding openings to a hip-hop song I have ever heard. The original song is a beautiful piece of work and Mural uses it well to not just open up the album lyrically but make a statement. The are so many great lines in this song it is hard to know where to start but as a Lupe fan I cant tell you this is one of his best songs, period. With references to old cartoons that then play into metaphors for food, nods to the video games and comic characters of his childhood, and social commentary this dense song only let me know the the Lupe I loved was back. Now spoiler for the rest of the review, since Lupe's lyrics usually take on a sort of mysticism the following interpretations of mine may be completely different from the actually meaning of the song or just plain wrong. In 'Dots & Lines' which opens with this incredibly impressive banjo solo that plays before the beat kicks in (which must have been do in-house because it is not listed as being sampled), which is a hard snare pattern supported by what sounds like a harmonica. It reminded me of Stevie Wonder in terms the amount of the soul approach it is taking and it as a super simply and catchy about sacred geometry and lines. Now one interpretation of this song is just how we all fall into specific patterns and follow certain rules that we didn't even know existed, as shower by Lupe's line “I walk as my father walk, master builder is what I thought”. But according to Rap Genius (which again I have to look about because Lupe is literally everywhere lyrically) they see this song as Lupe's desire to be free of Atlantic records, as shown by the very title of Dots & lines meaning contracts.

After this we have another interlude, this time 'Fall'. And while you can still hear the children laughing but this time we hear the crunch of leaves instead of water. And the violin is now joined by a a bass playing jazz professions and a high hat being hit in the background. The first song in this section is 'Prisoner 1 & 2' another 8 minute song about the incarceration system and the hypocritical nature of it. One of Lupe's close friends Chilly Chill is currently imprisoned (something that Lupe has addressed multiple times on his other works) so it is not hard to see how Lupe could paint such a view picture of experiences inside a correctional facility. Again following tradition of this album the instrumental is composed of a Violin, this time with a piano and snare making up this somber beat that is meant to make you reflect. About halfway through the song however the mood changes and you can hear a standard collect call message from a prison play (it also played at the beginning but here its meant to show a shift) and the instrumental gets the added of musical force of Lupe's vocal's and the sounds of prison cell bars closing that sends shivers down your spine. He then transitions into what seems like a correctional officers perspective of the system and how we are still slaves even when in a position of power. This whole song shows two types of prisoners and is again one of the better songs of Lupe's career, full of fantastic imagery and a haunting message. Next we have 'Little Death' and this song is a beautiful tale of religious perspective told from the view point of multiple major religions. It is already well known that Lupe is major supporter of third world countries and their right to practice religion freely (coming from a complicated religious background himself it makes sense). And the reason I chose this song to talk about is just how amazing it sounds musically. There is a live performance of this and honestly it does well to blend perception of modern rap music. I think all rappers should have live bands playing with them, and with a combination of horns, Nikki Jeans amazing voice, and a smooth bass this sound just shows what hip-hop can be.

The Next Interlude is winter and the Violin now sounds harsh and urgent. No longer are there children laughing but only the sounds of winter winds blowing in the background. It sounds barren and hollow. Next is 'Chopper' which to be is the “worst” song on the album to me, but the story behind the song is interesting. This 9 minute song has the most out of place sounding instrumental, it hits the ear more like a club banger which no other song on this album does. There are still great musical elements but on the whole it stands out as being different. Now a friend of mine who listened to this song and is not a Lupe fan hated this song for its obscene length, which is understandable, but on a Radio interview Lupe said that he also hated how long the song was. This song was a result of Lupe getting some of the realest rappers he knew, people from the harsh streets, and putting them on a track. The song kept getting longer and longer because the rappers had so much to say, and Lupe didn't want to cut them off so what you get is an extended piece that does what most club bangers do while also remaining aware. Next we have the single off this album, 'Deliver'. This is the most straight forward song in terms of what it is trying to say, but how it says it is still full of complex word play and a catchy hook. The song is about how pizza delivery's don't usually come to certain parts of the ghetto because of how dangerous they are. Lyrics recited over a heavy bass and chorus of singers that come in to sing the hook, “pizza man don't come here no more” tell a sad story broken projects and the self perpetuating mindset of the ghetto. The last song I want to talk about is “Adoration of the Magi”, which starts off with this amazing jazzy horn section, a steady collection of snaps and nice bass progression. Lyrically this song has Lupe seeming encouraging us to make mistakes and not get too lost in the control the world has over us because as the chorus states we are all just babies in the grand scheme of things. We have so much yet to see and do that it seems pointless to fret the little things. Also this has one of the best Lupe Verses in terms of how it is rhythmically orated. The third verse is full such a smoother recitation of words that all play off the the previous syllables of the last line that you really have to hear to full comprehend. The album ends with the interlude 'Spring', in which the bright violin of summer returns along with the laughing children and sounds of birds chirping. Overall a beautiful way to end an album.

There are tons of interpretations of what this album is supposed to mean. I think it is artistic statement of what Lupe can do that is full of his desire to break free of his label chains and make music the way he wants to. This album is like a novel that will give you a different feeling every time you listen to it. I think this is project is a masterpiece, and unless something unexpected happens in the world it will defiantly be in my top ten of 2015. Although it is March now this album set the bar for all of 2015 when it dropped in January. I love the musical motifs and unreal imagery that Lupe has shown us that has not lost the inspiration to provide. I recommended you: Listen Soon to this album and prepare yourself for one of the best albums from one of the best rappers out in the public eye. Thank you all for reading and next week I will be reviewing 'Soul Soul' By Ghostface Killah and one of my new favorite bands BADBADNOTGOOD.

Thoughts On: Dark Sky Paradise

Recommended Listening: All your fault, Paradise, Research

Welcome back to Thoughts On, this week I will be talking about Big Seans 'Dark Sky Paradise'. The next few weeks are going to be crazy, with spring break next week, so many albums coming out this month, and me needing to catch up on certain albums (Tetsuo and Youth for example) things are going to be a tad bit busy. But after a month or so of doing this I can honestly say I have never been more excited to be a music fan and share my opinions with the world. I also want to take this week and pose a question. What is the stereotypical rapper like in your eyes? When you think of mainstream rap who do you picture? Are you more Drake or Kendrick? The reason I ask is because I personally think Big Sean is the one of the most stereotypical rappers out their right now and this album only served to push that point.

Much like Drake I am not much of a Big Sean fan. He has had some hits like 'Clique' and 'Beware' that I really enjoy but I just never took the time to sit down and listen to him. I actually had no intention of doing a review on the album but it caught my interest more than I thought it would. Sean is a Detroit rapper (much like Eminem and Danny Brown) who has a boisterous honest rapping style and spares no punchlines and sounds confident no matter what the song. Sean has been rapping since his teens, meeting Kanye in his youth and dropping a few bars was able to get signed to G.O.O.D music and later Def Jam. However it took a few years for him to get into the public eye. Unfourtunatly Sean suffers from the people he has gotten entangled with. Having dated his high school girlfriend for 6 or so years, then moving onto Naya Rivera (a Glee Star) and things having gone sour a lot of people only Sean as “that guy who broke up with Naya”. Now the man is good in his own right but he just never gets his chance to shine it seems. In a recent interview with power 106.1 The Breakfast Club, Sean stated that even Lil Wayne recognizes is lack of good publicity and made sure to point that out on a verse on a song he is feature in on DSP. Now he has a bunch of other mixtapes and albums you can listen too because he is not by any means a new artists, however I think this album represents a change in his career which is why I am writing about it. Sean represents the typical rapper, where hard work leads to a payoff and then become thrown into a lavish lifestyle. He has spoken at great lengths about this lifestyle but has always seemed very reserved about how he feels about it. To me at least this represents the paradox of modern day rappers who are actually decent people. How do aspire to this type of life without it ruining your personality? I think that is what this album represents and darker production and moody tone only serves to emphasize my point.

So whats it sound like? Well it opens with 'Dark Sky( Skyscrapers)' in which Sean tells of how he has come from his basement all the way to the top of skyscrapers. Typical rap cliches but the striking thing is the epic production that the lyrics are paired with. The first half sounds like a movie title theme. It feels like it is moving and has purpose, with vocals, church bells, and no real hip-hop snare or drop to be found. Half way through a snare kicks but quickly pulls out. The instrumental evolves as Seans story unfolds. He has a very fast lyrical style so the way the music stays calm as he is going crazy with his rhymes just makes for a good contrast and a great introduction. As you all may know I LOVE good intros to albums, just like an overture of a musical it is important that the intro gives a good road map of where the project is going. Whether musically, tonally, or lyrically, I think intros are important. Right in the first song we are given a taste the darker mood that Sean is going for and it continues through the whole album. He also has an interesting line where he says “funny how it took four years to become an overnight success” referring to the stigma about him being a new rapper out of nowhere, much like I said before he has been at it for a decade and is finally getting to show a more wholesome sound. The next song is one of the singles, 'Blessings' Featuring Drake and it talks of how lucky Sean is to have gotten to where he is, a humble moment for the artist that is given more punch from Drakes feature. The only way to describe the instrumental for this song is haunting. It is not meant to jump to it is meant to linger. It echoes and dark chords and the snare often plays background and stops to make room for the more thematically relevant parts. Sean also talks of his recently deceased Grandmother (whom I learned played a large role in his raising) and how he is now the man of the house and cannot afford to slow down now. Moving on we have 'All your fault' With Kanye and Travis $cott. This is one of the best songs on the album. With a beat that reminds you of older kanye and lyrical features that allude to Eric Garner and recent protests it is hard not to love this song. There is a part later in the song where Kanye and Sean rap back in forth in such a way that they are finishing each others lyrics and honestly I was so shocked how little I have of this kind of rap pairing before. It shows that these two may have indeed personally worked on this song together rather than just sending a beat back and forth (which makes sense with Sean being good friends with Kanye and being a part of his label and such). I wont touch on every piece but there is a big gripe I have with this album that rears itself right in the next song: DJ Mustard. I am not a big fan of DJ Mustard, in fact whenever I hear his ad lib thrown into all his beats (which all use similar professions and tonal enhancements) I just kind of hang my head and sigh. Sean has two Mustard beats on this album, and that to me is two too many. Not a tone of rappers use Mustard's beats and have made largely popular hits with them (Rack City, Loyal, Don't Tell em, etc.) and that is fine but all those songs lack any sort of interesting message or artistic integrity. Mustard makes radio/club hits and that is about it. The start 'I don't fuck with you' has this great soulful intro that is then ruined by a typical Mustard sound and lyrics that are more catchy then anything else. This is not really a bad song it just breaks the flow of the album for me. The soulfulness returns at the end of the song along with another verse and I wish that had been the whole song. In my eyes if Sean wants to be a well respected rapper he needs to make sure his music can be taken seriously and Mustard is not serious.

Halfway through the album the song 'Paradise' comes on and it feels like a great interlude in which Sean talks about how he is in a kind of paradise. However the way that the beat kicks in, which is more aggressive and meant to match Seans lyrics instead of accompany them, and Sean's actual tone make this a very dark song. He is in a way talking about his addiction to money and the lifestyle he has always dreamed of. Getting into that kind of position can taint a lot of people and I think Sean is experiencing that first hand and coming to terms with his morals and desires. Skipping ahead we have the most inspiration track on the album 'One man can change the world' with Kanye and John Legend. This is not something I would expect on a Big Sean album. It is a piano driven ballad in which Sean talks about his dreamer days. How he can from a drug filled environment and dreamed of success. He compares himself to the stars in how they both shine. The song is about loving yourself and using that as motivation. Now here is where things get odd. He has an outro that ends with stormy weather sounds much like his album began, but the bonus version continues the darker theme. His song 'Research' with his girlfriend Ariana Grande (another favorite song of mine) has this great R&B vocal loop that sets the slow pace that Grande eventually sings to for the hook. This is about the concept of groupies researching who is the most successful artist to follow and checking out certain people before you mess with them, which I am sure Big Sean has experience with. Then album ends with 'Platinum and Wood' which serves as a better outro than the alleged outro. It sums up the theme of dealing with fame and struggling to be relevant in your own way whilst storms sound off in the background and it eventually loops back to the same exact sound clip that playing in the intro. I love the concept of bonus tracks keeping in line with the rest of the album and I want more artists to do this.

This is a solid piece of work, it does not make me feel like I need to go back and listen to Seans earlier work but I can appreciate this album for dark tale it tells of a man fighting for his art. However in spite of what this album does well is I recommend you: Save this for a stormy day, in which your mood needs this kind of music. Sean is a good rapper whose honesty and heart have carried him a long way, despite his views on just working hard for the money it seems he is finally getting into the mindset of being great for greatness sake. But none of this saves him for just not making a splash when compared to most other mainstream rappers. Next week I will be reviewing 'Tetsuo and Youth' By one of my favorite rappers Lupe Fiasco so get ready to read me geeking out over how great I think the album is.

Thoughts On: B4.Da.$$

Recommended Listening: Paper Trail$, Like Me, O.C.B

Oh can this be? Is Zeke finally getting around to talking about the album he should have done literally a month ago? Yes my beautiful readers miracles do happen and wishes do come true. Today I am going to be talk about the debut album of Joey Bada$$ very cutely stylized B4.DA.$$. With this I can start with the trend of talking about 2015 albums so when I make my end of the year list the write ups can simply refer back to my Thoughts On post. This of course implying that I'm so confident that all my top albums will already have Thoughts On written about them that I am willing to bet future Zeke's workload on it. I'm so good to myself. Dry wit aside I actually heard this album the moment it dropped, Joey is a very popular rapper from Bed Stuy, New York, and many people claim him to be one of the best lyrically in the game right now. So Naturally I had to check him out. After listening to his album and going back to his '1999' mixtape that was released a few years back I can see why there is so much hype around this rapper. In his young life he has manage to become a new golden child of rap and the potential new future of hip-hop, also did I mention he just turned 20?

It is not uncommon to hear people talk about how garbage hip-hop is now and how the future of rap looks murky and all that negativity. While there is reason to believe some of this if you only listen to what the mainstream thinks is good or important, but putting any effort into a search will lead you to numerous results of amazing talent just below the surface. Joey is one of those talents. Just turning 20 on the day of his album release (Jan 20^th) he is one of the youngest rappers in the public eye, making him a target for praise and harsh criticism in different ways. Joey is part of the third major generation of mainstream rap. With the First of course being the major 80's-early 90's trendsetters like NWA and Nas, the second generation from late 90'-2000's being people like Kanye, Common, Lupe, and Eminem, and the third generation from post Drake until now has people like Chance, Vic Mensa, Earl Sweatshirt, and Joey Bada$$ keep rap alive. So whenever Joey puts out work it is not only analyzed on its own but how it relates to hip-hop culture as a whole. For example Joey's music has a very jazzy smooth sound to it. It is not overly bass heavy or filled with a ton of electronic effects like a lot of mainstream rappers have steered toward. He does not try to make hits, rather he has a very artistic and seamless way of rapping over beats like it is what he is meant to do. So of course he is criticized for simply trying to re-create the golden age sound of rap and not being original enough, and if he ever strays then he is called a sellout. Putting all this pressure aside this young man has managed to put together some amazing projects in his few years as an MC and his debut album does not disappoint.

What does the album sound like though? Well for a last bit of information Joey is part of the Pro-Era group, a rap collective that he helped found back in 2009. During the recording course of the B4 album his cousin and fellow pro-era member Junior B passed away. Hearing him talk to Peter Rosenburg on Hot 97 about the after math (He and Rosenburg are very close, with Rosenburg often referring to him as little brother or nephew) and it was clear how much passion went into this album. Now a lot of albums can claim the same thing but B4 hits in a different way. This album is one of the most lyrically dense albums I have heard since J.Cole's 'Born Sinner' or Logic's 'Under Pressure'. It may not be as conscious or deep as Lupe's new 'Tetsuo & Youth' album (which Joey actually outsold in the first week) but there is just so much lyrical content in this album. There are 16 songs on the full version of this project and just about each one is lyrically handled solo by Joey. That is a lot of words and ton of talent to be able to handle solo. The albums starts with the Song 'Save The Children', a great intro that plays off the theme of, you guessed it, saving the children. It is all about saving this generation so that they can save the next one. I believe this is Joey's way of stating his musical mission and desire to share his story. It is a cocky yet inspirational way of opening album with the theme of making music before money ruined the industry (thus the album title). In the next song 'Paper Trail$' he claims that “before the money there was love/ but before the money it was tough”, and “they say money is the root of all evil but I say money is the root of all people”. This of course expressing the more modern blown up ideals of making art for the sake of profit and not expression. However the idea that money is the root of all people strikes me as interesting. Joey is clearly aware that selfishness is an inherit part of being human and is torn between his desire to be clean of money but also help his mother out financially. This young artist continues to lyrically express wisdom beyond his years, which is why he has often been compared to a young Nas. His poetic delivery is often accompanied by simple yet pronounced instrumentals. Traditional kicks and snares combined with tight bass rifts and catchy Keyboard chord progressions and flourishes flow so well together that they have become Joey's style. This is not Run The Jewels 2,  it is not really meant to bring a house down or get you super hyped up, rather it is meant for you to listen to. Like just sit and vibe and allow the narrative to unfold. In the vein of narratives, on the song 'Like Me' (my favorite song on the album) Joey tells a straight forward tale of what he goes through on the daily. From women to how people treat him to what he thinks of the police and how he prays for his future. This song was performed with the Roots and BJ the Chicago on Jimmy Fallon's stage and I fell in love with it. It has such a mysterious chord progression that reminds me of lounge jazz and is just a beautiful song overall. On one of his more upbeat tracks 'No.99' he talks about the negative police view on African-Americans and how he rebels against them. It is a reflection of tense minority relations that as of last year got more and more attention but is not necessarily news. He takes a very personal anti-cop stating that you can't trust the pigs. As harsh people may think it is it goings along with the album idea of creating for yourself and not depending on others to look out for you, or at the very least that is my opinion. Lastly in 'O.C.B' which stands for only child blues Joey sums up his journey and where he has had to come from being the only child to provide for his mother. How his dreams started with him staring at his walls alone in his room. Meanwhile a delightful ring of sustained chords, what sounds like a tuba, and saxophone plays in the background. Just a great track overall. I only touched on a few tracks but each song has so much going on in it that you should really experience for yourself.

Joey's first album certainly not dissapoint, with a myriad of lyrics to go though and perfect instrumentals that go with them I think it may be a while before the full depth of this album is understood. It is clear to me that rap has a bright future, for as long as there are words to be said there will be MC's to come along and say them. Here in this album we have the label beginnings of a young poet who may just come to be one of the greatest of his time. He still has a ways to go but the ground work is all there and he seems to have a good head on his shoulders. At the end of the day what you have is a fantastic album in which a young rapper is able to catch onto the very foundation of what Hip-Hop means and spread that message to a newer younger audience. I recommend that you all: Listen Soon. Phew I finally did it, and it was just as poorly written as all the others. Next week I will be review Big Sean's new album in an attempt to stay more current before I inevitably review things from years prior.

Contingent Self-Worth

I am often been plagued by anxious episodes brought on by how I feel others think of me. A part of it is friendship anxiety, another part of it is some sort of depressive disorder, and another still is just my wild paranoia. I get caught up in moments when I feel like the world is ending because of something someone said or did to me, and as much as I tried to brace myself for these moments the moments can still happen. For example if ever I felt myself attracted to a girl, a situation I try to avoid because I know myself well enough by now, then I find myself getting far too wrapped up in what that girl thinks of me. Now this is not unusual but it can get to the point where the tiniest gestures of the person can make or break my day. Anything from seeing the person smile at me to not returning a dumb Facebook message can have a huge effect on how I carry myself. Over time this just becomes me acting like a moronic nervous wreck because I do not pay enough attention to my own needs. I care more about the effect I have on another person but there is more to my brief life than just trying to make other people happy. Around this time last year my Mother came to visit me. A few weeks before that I was in the hospital because a friend was worried I would kill myself. A year later I look back on the event and laugh it off, but I used to be terrified to talk about it. What would people think of me? Would I be seen fool who was too afraid to live? Would my closest friends and colleagues suddenly reject me because my mental wiring was not perfect? During this period my grades fell and my door remained shut. Everyone was either an enemy or showed my more compassion then I felt like I deserved, after all who would willingly show kindness to a nut?

That entire train of thought turned out to be just ridiculous.

There is nothing wrong with feeling scared or alone, in fact I still spent a lot of time by myself. The difference is now I understand that I have more worth than I initially suspected. I have written about my woes countless times and never gets easier to admit that I am cared for. Isn't that such a striking concept? In our society due to our individualistic nature it almost feels like we have to go everything alone, like life is not a collaborative effort but rather a collection of humans all running their own races. Most of our interactions come from texts and computer screens which only make distance seem that much farther and potential warmth that much colder. In a situation I went through recently I was interested in a person that had no interest in being anything other than a friend to me, and a great one at that. However in my foolish desire to spread affection and twist fate I kept pursuing, ultimately getting to a point where I could have ruined a friendship in a gamble. When things got tense in the situation I would respond with drama, drowning in my own self pity and dark funk until I was forced to snap out of it for class or practice. It became such an event that I would proclaim how much I hated myself or how terrible I was, just because I felt like someone on this planet whom I fancied may or may not have disliked me. Luckily for me I have amazing friends who are willing to call me out on how dumb I am acting and how irrational I am being. One in particular got the worst of it, for a straight week all I would do is complain to them and they never gave up on me, we were on a Skype call for almost 2 hours and a big chunk of it was me complaining and them listening patiently.All because they put value in me that I did not put in myself. They refused to ever give into my attempts at pitying myself and figuratively slapped me out of my blues. For the longest time my self-worth has been contingent on how much love I have felt. I am at my brightest when I can talk to people everyday, make others laugh, and generally not feel alone. On the opposite of that if I do not feel love (for whatever irrelevant reason) then I shut down and assume the world and everyone in it despises me...and I am trying my hardest to shift that. To the person whose company I fancied and I was too overbearing toward I can only offer my apologizes and hope you can forgive all of my madness. People make mistakes and I try to learn from mine, even though this one was a long time coming.

These past few days I have found it near impossible to stay down for too long, every time I try to be negative something pops up that I am looking forward to. Maybe it has always been this way and I was too stubborn to notice it. From an upcoming NJR show to the No Disclaimers Poetry Slam to dances I am making and music I and getting involved with life is going places. I still get caught up in my own sorrows, I still feel like a big chunk of my positivity depends on those around me because my friends play such a big role in my life, and I still doubt myself...but so what? I had a friend go through a break up recently and my response to them actually prompted me to want to write this. I told them that they are amazing, that they should never base their worth over what anyone says to them or how a person makes them feel. It is so hard not get caught up in perception and paranoia but other people's opinions of you can only really do so much. I consider myself a bit of a misfit, stuck in between the lines of pre-made notions and social roles, as a lot of my generation tends to be. For what it's worth I know that there are a lot of people out there who feel lost like I do. The world is too vast to let the opinions of others devalue you in anyway. My Religion professor quoted a great line in class today, he said “The Tiger has no regrets”, referring to an animals nature to just be itself. We are humans, cursed with sentience and feeling like we may be more or less important to the universe than we actually are. I do not want to think of myself as important in the grand scheme of life because that is a huge burden, I want to focus on the now and how amazing I find to people around me to be. I befriend a suite last semester that reminded me of what it feels like to have a solid group of friends in one place away from my hometown. I am getting the chance to listen to more music and read more about the world than ever before. I am challenging myself in classes that sometimes seem daunting but I know have the capacity to make it. And even though the feelings never panned out I still got the chance to spend time with an awesome person. We are not what others think of us, we are what we make of ourselves. This post is as much as it is for myself as it is for any reader down on their luck. I love myself, and I am no longer afraid to admit it. I still get anxious, break down, get angry, doubt myself, and feel like a bad person, but at the end of the day I would never want to be anything else, and I am proud of how hard I have come.

Thoughts On: If You're Reading This It's Too Late

Recommended listening: Energy, Wednesday Night Interlude, You & the 6

So over the weekend I had plans to study, go to pep band games, and maybe listen to 2 or 3 albums that I added to my collection in the last week. Simple right? Yet as I was going to sleep on Thursday Alex sends me a link to this short film starring the rap megastar Drake. Soon after he tells me that Drake's new mixtape is dropping that night. Less than an hour later the internet is ablaze with hype and I figure I cannot possibly go to sleep without hearing this. So after waiting a bit the 17 song mixtape goes live on ITUNES of all places (like seriously Drake, you couldn't be bothered to just put out the mixtape for free? You don't have enough money?) and I figure I'll just wait for the leak or something. Less than 10 minutes later I found out the whole project is streaming on the OVO (Drakes label) Soundcloud and I start listening there. A few more minutes pass and the listeners go from 300+ to 100,000+. Drake apparently made over $350,000 within the first 20 of his mixtape going live commercially. So in case you missed the point Drake is kind of a big deal to a lot of people. OVO even took the music off of Souncloud after about 30 min in order to persuade people to go buy the music for real. This is essentially the Hip-Hop version of the Beyonce album that the world blew up over.

Now before I get too far into this I think it best I tell you now that I am not a huge Drake fan. Drake is probably one of the oddest figures in the rap game today, known for changing how the genre is looked at in a big way. He has become so large that he is almost separate from the genre entirely. He was even considered to be one of the hottest MC's in 2014 without releasing a full length project. So what makes him so special that he has become a lot of people's go to favorite rapper? He isn't an awesome producer like Kanye, doesn't appeal to the misfits like Gambino, and doesn't really have a huge gang influence like Kendrick or Q, I mean the dude was an actor on Degrassi before he became a rapper. The secret lies in his ability to make hits and his amazing PR. The man is able to craft hits out of anything it seems, from moody down on my luck jams like “Marvins Room” to club hits like “Started from the bottom”. He specializes in “feels”, for lack of a better word, and never really strays from that. Even after we are hit with wave after wave of mood music and or bragging anthems it never seems to get tiring. It also helps that Drake has a fantastic stage personality. In fact I like Drake's media personality more than his music. He is a well spoken and genuinely funny man who never seems to get into scandals or big media troubles unlike a lot of other rappers of the same fame level (looking at you Kanye). This also makes Drake a HUGE punching bag in the Hip-Hop community. Since his music has spread so far a lot of people just claim he is too “sensitive” and not talented in the slightest while the other side praises his willingness to be “real” and so openly introspective. It is a 50-50 toss up. I think his song crafting abilities have carried him remarkably far and his strong features and solid projects cement his stake in rap history whether we like it or not.

So now that we know who Drake is, what does the mixtape sound like? Well for starters the fact that he dropped it with no warning seemed out of character to me. That is something I would expect from Gambino (who just likes to disappear from the world from time to time), and I get that Beyonce did the same thing but it just seems so out of place with such a huge star. So that lead me to think that there is a reason for the drop. Maybe this means that Drake felt the need to celebrate his success in a more personal way, maybe as he ages he is starting to reflect on just what his fame and influence really means, or maybe he is so big that he can literally do whatever and it is a success. I would like to believe that Drake is smart to enough to have some sort of method to his madness, what with the minimal mixtape cover art and surprise drop but maybe I am just reaching at nothing. Regardless if you have ever heard a Drake album then you will not be surprised by this mixtape. It starts off with him declaring himself a legend in the opening song “Legend”, singing over compressed bass and later simple snares. The song progresses and turns into quite the fantastic intro in which he claims that “If I die I'm a legend, reminding you of Drakes signature crafting ability and setting a high standard for the rest of the project.”. The first half of the mixtape seems to focus of his braggadocious style, expressing his relationships with his enemy's and throwing out killer punchlines left and right. In fact in the song “Know Yourself” his hook is just “Riding through the six with my woes” and the way he says it is so catchy it has been stuck in my head all weekend. In the midst of the tape there an interlude, and I personally think (along with a few friends of mine) that the mixtape takes a turn at the song “Star67” and continues through “Wednesday Night Interlude” which is one of my favorite songs on the whole mixtape. The mood shifts to the more vulnerable side of Drake that he is so loved and hated for. Now granted this is just my own personal interpretation but there is a story behind this project that we may have yet to hear in its entirety. Immediately after the 3 song mood shift we have “Used to” in which Drake talks about the troubles of getting used to being hailed as the top dog. Keep in mind he has been big for a while so why the sudden reflection. He also has the song “You & the 6” in the latter half of the tape and I personally feel it is the best song on the mixtape. In this song he is essentially talking to his mom about why he has become what he has become and goes into elaborate detail about his upbringing. It is the most emotionally dense song to me and I love the simple hook and narrative style. In fact this whole album kind of has a feel of simplicity. The most production heavy songs are probably the 3 that make up the middle of the album and the others retain a level of held back production that actually helps emphasis Drakes lyrics and hooks. This may be because Drake has another project slated for release later this year and he is saving beats for that, or this may be an intentional minimalist approach to a mixtape meant to capture a particular place in the rappers life.

As always I could drone on but the gist of it is that this is a very solid project, personally I enjoy it more than his last album (which I rarely have reason to listen to). It highlights the rappers strong points and honestly serves as a record of why Drake is so popular. He created a sound so unique to him that the moment this mixtape starts you can say “Yup that is a Drake record alright”. I am still not the biggest Drake fan but I give credit where credit is due and this mixtape is really good. The shifting themes and solid songs make for an interesting project that may or may not be more than it seems. I am looking for to the release of Drakes new album and I hope that it ties back to his previous works in some other way. For example, a lot of people think the usage of the number 6 in Drakes recent music is symbolic of the him dropping his first mixtape 6 years ago, so I hope some kind of thread is weaved to connect it all. If you are even the tiniest Drake fan I recommended you: Listen Soon as this project shows a maturing artist doing what he does best. If you are not a Drake fan then you can: Save this album for another day. As the blending style and moody overtones may be too much for you to really get behind right away. 

Next week I will defiantly be talking about the new (well month old at this point) Joey Bada$$ album...unless I  get distracted again.

Thoughts On: The 57th Grammys

Welcome back to Zeke talking about things that no one cares about. This week I was going to talk about the new Joey Bada$$ album (which was one of whole reasons I started doing this) but the Grammys continue to irritate me to such a point that I am dedicating this week to shamelessly bash the event. The Grammys are a big deal to me, as they should be to anyone who loves music. Whether you are a top 40 lover or an indie fanatic you should be able to enjoy the show. When I was younger my mom and grandma would watch them and I would hear music and applause drifting into my room from the living room. When I started getting into music my own way I remember my mom being so surprised to see that I knew so much about all the artists who were performing and winning (this was the year Eminem won the Grammy for Recovery). It was a great time to be had.  Em was performing I need a doctor, Dre came out, and both my mom and I jammed out to the new song. However it quickly became apparent that the Grammys are just a farce meant to give awards to top sellers and whoever is the most popular.

Now many of you reading this know that this is not news and it is not. However in the last few years I have found more and more reasons to feel personally offended by how the Grammys are run and how awards are given out. Last night as I watched the Grammys there was weird mix of trying to appeal to a more niche audience whilst continuing to pan to the same 5 or 6 major celebrities just to remind you that Beyonce, Kanye, and Taylor Swift are all in the same place. People come from ALL OVER THE WORLD to see this huge show that is meant to bring different music lovers all together and you just focus on the same handful of people? Granted we all know why this is done but I will continue to criticize the Grammys for what they could and should be. I have no idea how much money is exchanged behind the scenes or why Kanye is allowed to do two performances but that is just ridiculous. As much as I enjoy Kanye's music I would much rather watch some of the performances that could ONLY be seen that night. Where else would I see Pharrell and Hans Zimmer pulling off one of the strangest things I have ever witnessed? This night should be an excuse for artists who may never get the chance to work together again (or not for a while at least) to combine their styles and make some unique shows. Ed Sheeran and Questlove, Hozier and Annie Lennox, etc. You have so much opportunity to just put on the greatest music show of the year but it never comes together as a whole experience for me. Now do not get me wrong I enjoyed most of the musical acts, but when there is a bunch of useless mainstream pandering in between it gets a bit annoying.

I want to watch the Grammys and get turned onto new music that I may not have heard of or had a reason to check out for myself yet. For example when Beck won Album of the year over Beyonce, much to his and the world's shock, I immediately looked into it and got it for myself  just because my interest was so high. There are not enough of these moments in the Grammys. We see all the same songs that we have heard play on the radio or in commercials thousands of times win multiple awards and then that same song is performed live. It becomes a bit of a farce when your music show has the same song playing 4 or 5 times, such a good way to diversify the show. Anyway I think it should be a rule that a single song can only win one award.There are times when I want a song to win multiple awards just because I think other songs in the category are not worthy, but let us share the love a bit huh? This is easily my most outlandish Grammy critique and will never catch on but I just thought it was worth mentioning. Sam Smith won 4 Grammys and I feel like we will not hear such widely popular and well received music from him ever again. Such is the pattern of a celebrity making it big off of one song and then disappearing. All about that Bass was nominated for Grammys as well and I doubt Meghan Trainor will be in the spotlight for a while. Hozier should have won something but again due to Sam Smith;s popularity he came away empty. These are all minor gripes I know but when things like this happen every year it just gets harder and harder to bear.

NOW we get to the real bread and butter of why the Grammys are not the buisness: The Rap awards. The Grammys has a history of not understanding what good rap is and awards are clearly given out on the votes of the old men who run the business casting ballads for someone that their white niece or nephew may have listened to. Again this is me being rude but the fact that Iggy Azelia was added to the RAP category for NO REASON cements my point. If she had won a Grammy this year the internet would have caught fire. Eminem ended up winning (which is better than Iggy) but he did not have the best album. Another problem with the way that awards are set up is that the Grammys are hilariously bad at staying current. Childish Gambino's album 'Because the Internet' came out in 2013 and was nominated for a 2015 Grammy. That makes literally no sense. All you have to do is push the Grammys further back into the year so that you can catch year end albums. I think their cut off date is somewhere in October which is awful the more you think about it. Have a music celebration that actually represents the music of the previous year? No of course not, lets stick to this antiqued process of making people angry. It is bad enough that Macklemore beat Kendick for best Rap Album (I dig the Heist but come on), but you put yourself in a situation where this is bound to keep happening. It is almost like you actually know nothing about rap music and care not for its fan base. Rap is now one of the most popular and influential music styles on the planet and the piss poor representation of it during the Grammys is laughable. Gambino or Q should have won the award and that is that. Kendrick rightfully won best rap song and performance for 'I' so that is a start (although I was rooting for Gambino for best performance). It just sets a bad precedent when you reward the wrong kind of talent. Eminem is legendary yes, but the man's work did not compare to two of the other albums up for the award. I could drone on and on but I think you understand my point of view. Let people who know a certain genre of music well pick the winners and you won't have this problem.

On the plus side I love the recognition of music giants at the Grammys, people who have paved the way for new festivals, musical scores, and ways of presenting and sharing music. I also enjoyed the slideshow of musicians who passed because it is important to remember where the music we love comes from. It just saddens me that you have some of the BEST musicians, artists, producers, and actors all together in one place for one night and you cannot easily blow me away. I want the Grammys to be a true testament of what it means to love music and appreciate good music. I want the right albums to be awarded so people understand more of what it means to be a good artist. I want appeal not to just be mainstream but universal, because music is universal. I want Kanye to NEVER be allowed to sit near the front again (like come on guy, I know it is a joke but please). I like the idea of the Grammys, I love seeing cool performances and finding new music to listen to, lets just tighten up the presentation and format of the show a bit so the celebration can actually be a celebration and not just some predictable unafraid to take too many risks music show.

Thoughts On: Pinata

Recommended Listening: Deeper, Shitsville, Robes

So just a short aside today one of my favorite animators, Monty Oum, passed away over the weekend. I am completely aware that only 3 people (if that) reading this will know who that is but I was considering not putting up a Thoughts On just because when I think too much I cannot bring my self to write anything that isn't super introspective and mildly depressing. But Monty had a legendary work ethic and it would be dishonorable to not put out content in remembrance of him, he would demand the opposite.

Alright back to the music. Pinata is another (and hopefully the last) of the the greatest hits I missed in 2014. Coming out in the earlier half of 2014 this album is another collab that lead to a modern classic. The collaborators this time are Indiana rapper Freddie Gibbs and one of the most acclaimed producers in hip-hop Madlib. Sound familiar? There seems to be a trend of older hardcore rappers working directly with great veteran producers to make a fantastic album out of nowhere. However these two have been at it since 2011, releasing a string of EP's consisting of songs that would later appear and laid the foundation for a neo-gangster rap album that feels like it is one of lost gems of the late 90's-00's. I do not use the term “lost gem” lightly, the only reason I was able to find this album is via browsing so many top pf 2014 lists and the hip-hop heads subreddit and seeing multiple people claiming this as the best thing to come out all year (a bold claim considering its March Release). So with my interest sparked I went to look up more info on the album and was instantly intrigued by the album cover and concept. Freddie described it as “A gangster blaxploitation film on wax” with Madlibs commenting on the human element of his producing to compliment Gibbs style. These two gentlemen have experience in the musical field of course, but this albums strikes a personal cord with me and hits on all the reasons why I hold hip-hop as such a universal music genre.

So what is the deal? What is Pinata and why should you care? Well do you remember memories of sitting in the backseat of your mothers car as she blasts soul music and sings along, hitting every note and smiling the whole way? If not that is a mute point and I digress, but to a lot of my fellow African-American readers I am sure this sounds at least a bit familiar. Our culture has always thrived on music, from slave hymns to Blues to Jazz to Soul to Funk and now Hip-Hop. This album is a reflection of a man who has grown up listening to an older era of music yet also leads a very cliché movie like gangster lifestyle. Its narratives often involve explicit tales of sexual encounters, drugs, and violence. Sounds like the typical negative depiction of rap, but as you open your mind and start to listen to the lyrics more and more you hear stories of heart break, a song dedicated to Gibbs favorite wing restaurant, to hometown pride, and family conflict. This is a man bearing his sole song after so to tell a story of a classic gangster. I am talking Adidas jumpsuit, Cadillac, gold chain, cruising on a sunday afternoon gangster. In a sense this whole album is a send up to a particular kind of neighborhood and a particular culture and if you do not get it then it just seems like an amazing album with fast lyrics and melodic instrumentation and production. However if you get it, it clicks as a dark reminder black culte and also a beautiful homage to soulful tunes. Just about every song opens up with a melodic intro and smooth drops that transition into Freddie's 2 pac-esque lyrics and guest appearances. Most Songs flow into each as if they are meant to be experienced in one sitting whilst others have skits at the end of them meant to comment on the lifestyle being portrayed in the music.

To get into specific this is the kind of album that should have come out of the “Golden Age” of hip-hop. This along with classics like Illmatic, Liquid Swords, Me against the world, etc. This album does not mean to succeed off it's nostalgia factor but I cannot help but think how ground breaking this would have been 20 years ago. This is the kind of style you can see rappers like Kendrick and Logic drawing inspiration from, when people say they are trying to make an old school song they are trying to make this sound. All the while in songs like “Higher” and “Shame” (to name a few) the duo bust out this golden sound so easily it seems effortless. In sounds like “Deeper” you get to hear how a drug dealer loses out on his girl when he goes off to prison and how he deals with her having a kid with another man. In “Harolds” Gibbs slings the story of mischief he would get into all while using a chicken restaurant as a focal point in a sort of reminder of younger times. It is just amazing how out its time this album is, and kind of disappointing that many people will mark it off as a rip off of a golden sound when in reality these two are just masters of a craft that we have not seen in awhile.

 This album reminds of walking downstairs on Sundays and listening to soul music as my mom made breakfast, of long car rides and smooth R&B playing throughout, of my father and his love for old school rap, and of a type of sound that the brings you back to the grand days of West Cost rap. I hope these two put out more work and pave more of a road for hip-hop duos to be creative and use melodic production as not only a backdrop but a common theme through out the whole back drop. This album feels like a missing link between the golden and modern ages of hip-hop and is an instant classic in my eyes. Next week I will be talking about Joey Bada$$' new album and how that plays off of the old East Coast sounds to make something new, but this is different entirely. I recommended you all: Listen to this album soon so you can experience what I have and get as lost in the beautiful as I was. Freddie Gibbs and Madlib should feel proud for making what is undoubtedly one of the most unique and overall best albums from 2014 that I did not get to hear in time.