The Venting Senior

I hate venting. I hate the very idea of bearing my thoughts or feelings to anyone because I feel that they will never truly comprehend me, which is a valid point considering when I vent I ramble on in an insane fashion until the anger subsides. I will make an exception this year because I am just tired of this creeping feeling that feels way too much like stress: something I don’t do. Here we go; these are the reasons for my discontent.

HEARTBREAK:

          Might as well get this one out of the way first since its messing with me emotionally. I refuse to go into detail of this situation but let us just say that a long standing “something special” recently fell over. I am not an idiot and I saw it coming from a mile away, but I always thought I could stop it. In the end that was about as helpful as standing in the path of a speeding train and trying to slow it down using only your mind. My whole high school world has been shaken up by this because the person involved has been very close to me since my sophomore year, and now she is gone. I know that I should be happy she has moved on and found someone that makes her happy but that does not make up for the hole I feel in my soul. People are not replaceable, and do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise, people are 100% unique and it is not possible to simply replace one with another. This hole compiled with the other things has got me caught in a bad place.

COLLEGE APPLICATIONS:

          Whoever had the “splendid” idea to make college applications: cost money, take forever to fill out, and just be the biggest thorn in a person’s side EVER should be erased from every sort of existence.  I HATE this overwhelming feeling of father time breathing down my back as I struggle to stay on top of schoolwork and my extra-curricular activities while also putting together a teacher recommendation packet, and stay ahead of all deadlines…if  I hate the applications this much, am I even READY to embark on the college journey? I do not know anymore and my only hope is that the same monster father time who is currently my worst enemy, will become my ally in the near future and let me know that under his influence I am ready.

SCHOOL:

          And of course what is stress without a little school? This been not only the worst start of any school year I have ever had, but it involves me and a few of my friends to split ourselves mentally between what we love to do and what we need to do. I have never been stressed out by things involving school but now it feels as though the entire administration is plotting against us. I know this is not true, but I cannot shake the feeling, like we are being punished for a crime we had no knowledge of. I am not a quitter, and refuse to make any choice that I do not have to. I am not a fall man, nor will I act like one. The result of an action my friends and I had nothing to do with is causing us to be unclear about the fate of our own schedules….UGH. That is how I truly feel and its not getting any brighter. I will continue to keep my head up but unless things change for the better and fast I think I might literally lose my mind.

Quite the Senior year…