Not ashamed
Feel a combo of grief and ecstasy, don’t know why. Got the gift I truly wanted yet now that I have it, I’m afraid it will die. Thus is the pattern for the faux lone ranger, coping with illusions and delusions until his mind if like that of a distant stranger. My life has been a roller coaster of triumph and defeat, all swirling around in a cornucopia, molding to new shape with each major event, each trophy gained, each rejection thrown my way.
But I have never given up.
Fighting through hell and back to show them I exist when in reality I am more whole than they could ever desire. I am not ashamed to say I was cynical, or petty, or straight up evil, because I know sins are forgiven and hope springs eternal. For years I have clawed to improve myself for a dream that in reality was the son of my envy and my longing to be what I thought was a success. And I am sure as hell now not ashamed to say that’s all behind me
I am my freakin’ self.
See I am not ashamed to say that freshman year I was annoying, sophomore year I was distant, junior I was blooming, and now senior year I have made my home in the body of the me I think I am meant to be. friends have come and gone but the true ones stayed, forming my second family, my support system, and my crew all whilst being amazing in find their own true personalities. I’m not ashamed to say that I love because of my friends, who kept me up when others would demonize, criticize, and specialize in crucifying my soul in order to lift themselves up higher.
That’s all behind me.
Im no ashamed to say that my love life has been a wreck, relationships with high expectations crashing down like a comet so fast that I want to vomit on the sick feeling and time of ill breeding that they all seem to share. The world tries to play it off but men, teenagers, I do feel…yet I do not regret for I am not ashamed. “Lifes hard its no game” its truism and I knew it, and in terms of my relationships if crap hit the fan then im probably the one who threw it... Now with her I have to chance to start over, and I’m scared, wary of the past but even more frightened of the uncertain future we share, bound by natural connection and separated by years, Yet I am not ashamed to say that holding your hand in mine, against all odds, makes me feel like everything it is okay…
Ezekiel Jordan Starling
The name of this brave soul who fears no judgment and only wishes to enlighten others who might otherwise be in the dark, torn apart, or weary in their hearts. Do not curse god nor government for any bad luck you may be down on, instead turn your heads toward the clouds where the angels, whether you believe in them or not, smile down upon, realize the strength of your own identity and remember.
Do not be ashamed…
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