Sophomore State of Mind

Well I am back to the land of Southern Canada and it feels very odd. On the one hand all my people are back in one place and it feels good to be near some of my closest friends again. On the other hand I feel like I left some important pieces of myself back in Cali and the loss of those pieces is driving me up the wall.

            I consider myself to be a fairly independent person, I survived a year with minimal contact my parents and most of the people I had grown to depend on in high school. While others broke free and went wild with their new college freedom I walked around campus in the dead of night, basking in the glory of just being able to say that I made it this far. Somehow though this year feels different. Now that summer is over it is time to get back to work and shake off the desire to lie around all day and do nothing, and I know this but I am having a hard time adjusting. There are so many things that I want to do, write, endorse, and be a part of but this past week I have just not felt worthy.

            I love my school and I stand by that, and I feel like this is the year that will make or break me. Now is the time to rely and hard work and habit and hope that at the end of the day that is enough to get me to where I need to go. I am a man of faith, whether or not you believe in my faith matters little to me, because it makes up a big part of who I am. We all are who we all are and that is a lesson that mankind has yet to learn. I have dealt with the terrible, stupid, and negative but they are no worse than me nor I better than them. The only difference between people is how much they are willing to change and adapt to survive. I have not had to adapt for a while and now maybe I need to evolve.

            The second year and I can already feel things starting to come into place. I am not a typical student, nor are any of my classmates. I do not party, drink, smoke, etc. and these same sorts of things I used to think isolate me from my peers actually bring me closer to them. This year I am going to be honest with myself. I will feel pain where it needs to be felt, close doors that need to be shut, and love where love needs to be given. Yes I admit I have a very corny way of thinking but we all walk our paths so if you do not like it get out of my way.

            My blogs are scattered because my mind is scattered, but this year I want things to become uncluttered, to finally get my head out of the clouds and into the stars. Time for a new state of mind.