A letter from a fan

Dear Childish Gambino,

            I have never been one to obsess over celebrities. I used to openly mock people for their undying loyalty to Chris Brown, or their fantasies of one day meeting and winning the heart of their favorite celebrity heartthrob. In fact the only famous person I had a fixation on before you is Michael Jackson (without him I would never have started dancing and such). Anyway the point is that I want my words to convey a serious appreciation of thanks, not just be interpreted as a silly celeb obsession.

It started with cul-de-sac and camp the second semester of senior year in high school. I was blown away by this new found rapper (previously a comedian) who could articulate so well topics that I had been waiting for rappers to cover. From identity crisis and not feeling black enough to getting to a point where those who shunned you try to come back in your life it, it was all there. Not only that but the way you used music, and I do mean actual music, to accompany you made listening a pleasure. It got to a point where I wanted to learn more about you. Where was this man from, how was he able to be so easy to relate to, and how could I one day be like him? My then girlfriend at the time also became a fan of yours because I would not shut up about you to her.

See to me you were more than just a rapper, you stood for a symbol of change in an archaic music industry built upon a very stiff idea of hip-hop. In this world where talk of material possession somehow equates to happiness, things like self-discovery and hitting rock bottom were mysteriously vacant from mainstream rap. It was not important where you came from as long as the end result was a wealthy artist that sold records to aspiring fans. You showed me something different however. You spoke of depression and feeling lost. You spoke of how even having all the material things you want cannot make up for a basic emotional detachment from people. When I left my home to attend college across the country I made sure I was listening to your music for a big chunk of my flight. It gave me the motivation I needed to quell my fear of the unknown. If this rapper could break out of his comfort zone and speak his mind about topics that most of us keep silent about, then I can step foot on this plane.

When my insecurities started costing me my friends and I started shutting myself into my dorm freshmen year, singles from your EP were always there to help my through it. When I made mistakes and worried whether or not I had the strength to carry, I used Royalty to remind myself how powerful a positive mindset could be in life. Now I have an eclectic taste in music that stems from having a mother who blasts old school soul and R&B, a father who loves jazz and funk, and a middle school spent trying to find my own music and ending up with linking park and trapt. All this being said I find that it was because of you I started digging around for other not so well-known artists and stumbled upon greats like Chance, Jhene Aiko, Mac Millar, Janelle Monae, etc. I started developing an appetite for something new. For something that actually conveyed raw emotion and passion rather than a strict formula meant to sell. I wanted something different I could use to fuel my own creative energies. I wanted music that I found on my own and could be proud of.

You helped me find confidence. I figured if this man (a lost black nerd much like myself) can find his niche and become an inspiration, then what the hell was I doing sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I used to look up to you with wide eyes and blind admiration, now I see you as a person that I want to surpass. I want to use the messages I have gathered from your music, shows, interviews, and blog posts to further develop my own style. I remember you saying in your music that you await the day all your followers realize they do not need a leader, and I understand that now more than ever before. I still have nothing but the utmost respect for you, even though I will probably never meet you. I just figured I should put it out there that one day a fellow outcast will come up in the world, and outcast whose goals is to help those who have given up on themselves and show them that they have strength they never knew they had. That outcast will be me, and you will be a huge reason that I found the courage to stand up and find my own way.

Thanks for all your help,

Zeke “Optimus” Starling