A Little Story

Just a little story i wrote for my Psychology class. It is very random.

A Heated Session

Scene: Josh, his sister Louisa, and his mother Nicole have been called in for a mandatory family therapy session after Josh was found huddled over the body of his father whom he had just killed. He has been silent since that day. (From the viewpoint of Josh).

They are all looking at me…I can feel it; they think I am a monster, but I just did what I had to do. Louisa, my mom, and I are sitting in a white room across from a man named Dr. Summers who claims he is only here to help. I want to leave.

“well now let’s begin” exclaimed Dr. Summers, “I heard that you are responsible for killing your father, but I cannot possibly believe that is a the whole story. You are a bright kid who has his whole life ahead of him, what could have prompted this act of violence?”

I say nothing. I can no longer say anything, my judgment as a beast has already been carried out so there is no point in continuing to defend myself. This is just another therapist assigned to try and “fix me.”

“Please Dr. Summers, understand that my son has refused to say a word to me since that day we found him, I’m scared that he going to do this again. I-I’m scared for myself and Louisa. Please you are our last hope.” My mother explained.

Typical mom, she just does not understand, nobody does…

“Um Nicole was it?” Said Dr. Summers, “I assure you that I will do my best to help your son, I think I know what to do. Josh why did you feel threatened by your father?”

The question caught me off guard, so much so that I broke my silence.

“What?” I asked. In all the sessions I have been to never once has someone asked me that. Everyone in the room, save Dr. Summers, was shocked at my speech.

“Well the way I see it the only possible way for someone as smart as you to get so brutal and violent is for you to have no other choice. See when animals are backed into a corner that’s when they fight back the most. Humans are no different. So what exactly did your father do to make you hurt him?

Before I could speak up my mother interjected, “Nothing! My husband was a saint, the love of my life and all I had, why would you think that this is his fault?!”

“Nicole, please” Said Dr. Summers in an attempt to calm her down. “In all fairness this is not all about you, your son is obviously going through some sort of trauma and you need to try and be sympathetic toward what he is going through.”

“What HE is going through?! What about the fact that this family is now ruined?!” my mother gets up, starts holding herself and cries all at the same time.

I hate this. This side of her, she does this whenever things do not go her way. I’ve had to look out for her more than she’s done for me, and now that my father is…well gone, she has been even worse. I want to say something, to yell at her, to comfort her, but what?

“ENOUGH!!” screamed my little sister Louisa, who does not usually make a habit out of being loud. “Mom can’t you see that you are wrong?!” tears fill my sisters eyes “he was a bad man, daddy was…he hit you, he hit us, he didn’t care about us…and-and,” my sister could not continue. I quickly went over to take her in my arms, all that I felt I could do as her brother, shield her from the cruel world.

There was a long pause in the room; only the sound of tears could be heard. And Dr. Summers spoke up.

“You all have been through so much, but you cannot heal unless the truth is revealed and you are given time to properly grieve. Now I was given a file on your late husband Nicole, and he has quite the record. You three are a family and that means that you must work together in order to support each other at all cost. Now Josh, I believe now is the time for you to speak up. Do not worry about judgment, I am here to help you and that is all. I promise”

Finally I could no longer keep quiet.

“It was an average day... Louisa and I got home from school same as usual, and Dad was already drinking, same as usual. But today as different, he was complaining about not having enough for bills…and he saw us and lost it. He started screaming ‘you damn kids are sucking me dry’ and he charged at us. He pushed me out the way and struck Louisa across the face. I had no time to think, I had to protect her…so I tackled him. It all happened so fast, we struggled for a bit but I was able to push him off balance, right into the coffee table. I heard the worse snapping sound I could ever imagine…it was I could do to stop from vomiting, but I stopped him from hurting us again, I did what I had to do didn’t I?”

I was frozen in fear, I had never told anyone the truth before, and I was scared.

“Well now,” Dr. Summers started “you are not a monster at all are you Josh? When it comes down to the line we all have to do what it takes to survive in this world, and I think you made a noble choice in decided to defend your sister. Now that the truth is out we can start the road to recovery can’t we? I am mandating that you three attend weekly sessions with me for the next 6 months, so we can rebuild your relationship.”

My mother, finally knowing the truth that my father attacked first, could only nod her head in shock and disbelief.

 My sister, exciting about rebuilding her family, smiled for the first time since the incident.

And me? Well everything still felt like a dream, but if not for this therapy session things would have defiantly stayed a nightmare.

“Thank you Dr. Summers” was all I could manage to say.

Dr. Summers smiled “Oh Josh, my work has only just begun.”

The Star World

Welcome to the Star World, where nothing is perfect but everything is just.

Welcome to a world that was created out of pain and a lust  

For adventure, where we have evolved into beings who are now servants to love (un-indentured).

Here the only destruction is in the form of creation because this a world where we are truly trying to create the best nation, devoid of the temptation for devastation because we have stopped trying to drag each other down like crustaceans.

Welcome to a world where dreams are kept alive.

Here we do not see in color, we dream in it. The only black and whites that matter take the form of words on a page that lyrically phrase sentences and poems of beauty that in turn tase and stop ignorance dead in its tracks. 

Welcome to a world where the impossible happens everyday.

Here we craft stories. Not just bedtime tales, but imaginative masterpieces involving the rise of true heroes, the villains that try and stop them, and the darkness that is inside us all, fighting to break free and wreak havoc but we suppress it because letting evil out is a metaphorical strike three and  we cant have that.

Out stories cannot be contained by or be leather-bound, no our stories are star bound. With pages pale as moonlight, covers as bright and bold as sunlight, and forewords written by the GODS themselves letting readers know that it was OUR stories that kept them up thinking in THEIR beds at night.

Welcome to a world where the people know how to live.

Here children are taught to never lose faith within by parents who have felt the pressures of life and have come close to caving in.

Here single mothers and fathers balance work, a social life,raising babies, and holding in strife all in order to make sure their kids know what it means to work for something, to show them that nothing in this life worth having is easy getting.

Here all men are knights and all women are soldiers, but when it comes down to the line all knights would rather let their lights extinguish then let their soldiers fall because that's what distinguishes a weak man and a strong man. A strong man knows how to respect his soldier in ways that are not obscene so here ALL women are treated like queens!

Welcome to the Star World, a refuge created by a little boy who just wanted to live in a world where love and common sense rule as Royalty, and fear is not allowed anywhere near the throne.

Enjoy your stay.

The Letter

Dear...hell you know who this is too
Who else would be on my mind except you
Cause you see unlike you I cant toss others aside who are trying to help me get through my insane and upsetting times...enough. Let me start over

Shut up and listen, i feel i need to say this because you don't know how to let things like common sense in without questioning every detail, but then... I guess that problem with all of you strong females.

You back yourself into situational corners, whose boarders are defines by stubbornness, pride, and experience.

And you don't let anybody in... 

All I was trying to do was help, that was my plan, my motto...my intention. And yes things got out of hand and i knew i had to stick to the plan like feet to sand but you couldn't possibly understand how it felt to be me in that situation. I found something worthwhile while you found something worthless...less.

I wont lie, i dont know the future and id be lying id I told you i could...but i see where this is going. You are heading down a dark road not suited for a princess such as yourself. Im sorry did i say princess, i meant a queen who can bring joy to the lives of depressed loveless men with her laugh, whose smile is unique as a snowflake made of gold, and whose tendency to be alone confuses me for flowers like you deserved to be shown so that other flowers know how to properly grow.

Im an idiot for telling the truth. This much i know, but you are so magnificant, and amazing. Stop letting the world have its way with you and push back! And if you feel yourself about to crack for you back is bound to snap once the world mounts its attack then turn to the people who support you....

We have already covered I'm not that person so you have no reason to trust me, but take heed my dear, for pain is not a one night stand, but rather a dead end long term marriage that you have no pre-nup for. 

Stay smart, stay strong, stay you.

Yours truly,
Him

PETER PARKER

Go to school, hide the anger, swallow the pain.

Im pissed off all the time because of an event I had no power over, for I was nor here, there or anywhere.

I was a boy lost in my own world content to let reality unfurl before me as my mankind brethren before me have done. If things go well I can escape these beasts and join the winners circle where I could exclaim that life has begun.

Go to school, hide the anger, swallow the pain, get into a good college, one day maybe find a girl whose smart enough to look past the rumors spread about you. Survive.

And then it happened.

Bitten by fate, hardened by power, blinded by opportunity. 

At last my time would come, and I would show all those bullies how to really have fun...see I dont have to hide anymore, and those who were once chores to encounter will now bow down to my feet and adore me like should have done in the beginning... then maybe she will notice me... ME not those fake jocks looking fly, simply coasting by on the coattails of their built bodies and nice rides...me

And then it happened.

Fate turns into severed ties, power turns into guilt, opportunity turns into responsibility.

With great power comes great responsibility huh? welI I never asked to given this...this abomination of a gift, this blessing of a curse, this ability that just makes every part of my life better and worse... 

Save that for the young geniuses flying around in suits of armor they built, free of the pain and guilt

Save that for the angry green super strong monsters with hearts of gold

Save that for the kids being trained to harness their abilities at that "gifted school" in  Westchester, NY 

Im pissed off at the events that have forced me into becoming something guys like me are not supposed to be. I was your below average joe caught in the flow of ho-hums, high and lows, and the mundane situations that we have ALL come to know...im not fantastic nor marvelous.

Go to school , hide the anger, swallow the pain, protect the girl, never show em your face or reveal who your truly are.

Be a hero.

BEING THE NERDY-GOOD GUY

Okay...so I was angry/needed to vent so I made this jumbled up mess of a poem...enjoy =D.

This goes out to all my nerd fellas, yea you know who you are.

I'm not talking about those 4.0 guys in with the cool crowd so they were protected by the shroud of popularity.

I'm referring to those guys who, in a class full of misfits, got A's on their tests and were constantly harassed by ignorant classmates and would have been broken if not for their hate-proof vests.

Yea you know who you are.

Being a nerd is like being a Peter Parker instead of a Bruce Wayne, once people see our ideas they acknowledge our presence but until then we are stuck with the pain of being an "us" instead of a "them", and that friction that comes with the repetition of isolation leads to contemplation of life and whether we deserve to be in it or not...

Being the good guy is a load. Its a load of stress, a load of crap, and a load that constantly stacks  on top of your backs until the earth below you shakes, rattles, and cracks and you question the authority that bestowed onto you the "gift" of being good

Yea you know who you are

To my brethren who know that being the nerd is about being the guy who stays in on a friday night to study/hang out with his  close nerd friends because in the end we value life not as a constant party, but as a game in which survival depends on putting others ideals before our own needs

To all my good fellas who have attractive female friends with boyfriends not good enough for them, putting them down in the dark when we know all good girls deserve to be treated like flowers, given love and sunpower never meant to be stepped on by abusive men. But as our female friends complain we keep our thoughts hung and a knot in our tongue because we made a vow to all be there for the people we love, even when they make dumb decisions that don't fit them like a glove.

You know exactly who you are

To the nerds who were riddled with insecurities and thoughts of failure, who keep fighting to see light of a new morn because they had a vision of how to help the earth to be born. The nay sayers and haters who once had their way are now scared because in this football game of life, it is the nerd who have the ball on this final play.

To the good guys who know that doing the right thing is never easy...who know that nice guys do finish last but it is not a bad thing, for we can see how the future turns out for the bad guys, the guys who mocked us, pissed us off, and made us wish that their hearts would stop. We can see while we may not finish first, we certainly do not lose...

So to all my Nerdy-Good guys;

Next time someone asks why you still have your V-card, take pride in knowing its because the right girl just isn't part of our world yet and when she does come along we will have a bond that extends beyond the shallow hook up culture of the world around us.

Next time people ask why you hold doors open for everyone who comes through you smile and say "sometimes in life all we need is someone willing to open a door for us, after that we can find our own way"

And finally when someone asks why you chose to be a nerdy-good guy, you say you didn't chose it, but rather you were chosen for it!

Yea...you know who you are

Demons

So I had to write a rap for one of my classes...and I figured why not share it all with you lovely readers? So it is a tad bit random, but hey, everything I do is random ;D.

DEMONS

YO,

I can sense the demons

Following me like a shadow
I wanna shake em off but it’s a constant battle
They invade my mind, penetrate my soul
Killin’ laughs, life, love everything that I know.
And I hate it, knowing that I can’t get away
My legs are trying to run but I am stuck in today
Jesus why, the question pops up as I pray
I never wanted the hate now I’m stuck in the fray.

Why so many demons?

I’m just a boy caught in the ploy
No joy, unemployed, happiness devoid
so why bother with the charade see when they only deprave me?
I return like a phoenix in ashes, you can't slay me.
Cuz the freaks, The monsters, they on my side
They refuse to bow down to you and abide
So It’s sad, knowing that you used to be cool,
now your just stuck, using all these demons like a tool.

(Spoken: being different is not a curse man...why can' you demons see that?)

I’m sick of all these demons!

I get, I’m the one who plays offbeat
Guided only his heart and the rhythms of the street
I’m the pin that won’t lie down, the bull at the hoedown
These demons trying to make me stop but I won’t slowdown
So what? You jealous that I made it and you didn’t?
You mad cuz I always had a talent with the spittin’?
You hate me cuz all those pretty girls you were with,
Never came back to help your ass up in a pinch?

(Spoken: sucks doesn’t it, knowing the lifestyle that looks so appealing is the one that will screw you over in the end...)

Man, I can fight these demons

Creatures of darkness stare me down
but they can never shake me cuz I hold the crown
Take ‘em down I will, going in for the kill
if you demons couldn’t pay shouldn’t have snatched the bill
Do you see now?
That Only 1 can prevail, and in this case it looks that 1 is this male
The bird that flew higher with just causes and reasons
Is the one that won so I aint messing with these demons

WELCOME TO THE HIVE!!

Hello there my lovely readers, I am sorry it has been so long, but I am back =D, now reporting from the amazing University of Rochester.  Just wanted to take a few moments to really debrief and tell you all about a few of first impressions and experiences that I have had here in the first few weeks.

MOVING IN AND THE FIRST WEEK:

                Moving In was the first part of my college experience, and it was without a doubt one of the most ridiculous      first sites I could have possibly encountered coming into college. Imagine a slew of upperclassmen rockin’ brightly colored t-shirts laced with school pride, our school crest, and the phrase “Ask me why I love this school!” boldly printed across their backs. Here at URoc freshman are not expected to carry anything up to their respective rooms, the upperclassmen men and women do that for you. It symbolizes the family-like and caring not competitive environment that is one of the main foundations of our school. The whole fiasco lasted about 2 hours (lines were extremely long) but it was never a dull moment. I got to meet upperclassmen, laugh, and had the pleasure of our schools many a capella groups coming up to my car and singing to my family and I.

                The first week was full of awkwardness, unfamiliarity, and becoming immersed in a community that will house me for the next 4 years.  My hall, otherwise known as gates 2, was full of interesting and funny gentlemen from all over the U.S and beyond (URoc has a big international population). In the first night alone we bonded over eating foreign candies and randomly crashing into other rooms on our hall. The Resident Advisor in our hall was awesome and a very cool guy to talk too. It’s scary being away from home surrounded by 4,500 strangers, no matter how excited you are about college, and the first week was kind of a make it or break it deal for me. Well after three weeks I am proud to say that I made it, all my college fear have subsided (at least until Finals week) and I can now focus on having fun and working hard.
 WILSON DAY:

                One part of orientation here at Rochester is that you have to volunteer in some manner in some random location around the city of Rochester. The tradition is in place so that every freshman has a chance to bond with people outside his/her hall and see how important community service and volunteering is to the University. My task was to clean up the local cemetery (basically in the backyard of the University) and cut down unwanted plant life. Needless to say I had a blast and was able to work together with my hall for the first time since my arrival. I love that community service is seen as vital to the school I go to, because it just fills me with a sense of pride knowing that URoc and I are on the same wavelength.
 MY FRIENDS:

                It would be a lie to say that I have made waves and waves of them, but I have a good core 6-10 people that I have grown genuinely close too. My roommate and I hang out with the same people, so I got the chance to grow close to him as well, brilliant people all around. Unlike high school, I feel like all the people here are motivated and eager to push themselves both academically and socially. It’s refreshing knowing I am surrounded by people that are actively pursuing their dreams. I am expecting a good year with them =3.
 SCHOOL LIFE:

                I have an unconventional dream I want to pursue in life (dance therapy) therefore my interests and classes reflect my weirdness. All my classes are fun yet have a hint of challenge to them, just how I prefer them. It has been quite a hassle trying to make some sort of tangible schedule that I could use to keep track of my academic life, but winging it has also worked out just fine. I do not sleep til 2 am, I wake up and 8, and I spend time in between classes dancing, playing music, reading comics, gaming, or watching Netflix. This is the life I have dreamed of for years. I can finally prove that I can make it on my own. I am too stubborn to fail and have too much pride to let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do. Studying for hours and hours is a new experience, but it is a welcome one, for I know it will become an amazingly useful tool to me in the near future. But so far, I have found a good balance of fun and work.
                 This school is amazing. It really is perfect to me. Small yet elite, giving you freedom but also giving you ample direction, and having an amazing sense of school pride that is based off the moral values of responsibility and service to others. URoc is an appropriate nickname for this little corner of New York and it makes me happy to know that I am finally part of the yellow jacket family  whose primary purpose is to make the world:

 “EVER BETTER”