A Little Story

Just a little story i wrote for my Psychology class. It is very random.

A Heated Session

Scene: Josh, his sister Louisa, and his mother Nicole have been called in for a mandatory family therapy session after Josh was found huddled over the body of his father whom he had just killed. He has been silent since that day. (From the viewpoint of Josh).

They are all looking at me…I can feel it; they think I am a monster, but I just did what I had to do. Louisa, my mom, and I are sitting in a white room across from a man named Dr. Summers who claims he is only here to help. I want to leave.

“well now let’s begin” exclaimed Dr. Summers, “I heard that you are responsible for killing your father, but I cannot possibly believe that is a the whole story. You are a bright kid who has his whole life ahead of him, what could have prompted this act of violence?”

I say nothing. I can no longer say anything, my judgment as a beast has already been carried out so there is no point in continuing to defend myself. This is just another therapist assigned to try and “fix me.”

“Please Dr. Summers, understand that my son has refused to say a word to me since that day we found him, I’m scared that he going to do this again. I-I’m scared for myself and Louisa. Please you are our last hope.” My mother explained.

Typical mom, she just does not understand, nobody does…

“Um Nicole was it?” Said Dr. Summers, “I assure you that I will do my best to help your son, I think I know what to do. Josh why did you feel threatened by your father?”

The question caught me off guard, so much so that I broke my silence.

“What?” I asked. In all the sessions I have been to never once has someone asked me that. Everyone in the room, save Dr. Summers, was shocked at my speech.

“Well the way I see it the only possible way for someone as smart as you to get so brutal and violent is for you to have no other choice. See when animals are backed into a corner that’s when they fight back the most. Humans are no different. So what exactly did your father do to make you hurt him?

Before I could speak up my mother interjected, “Nothing! My husband was a saint, the love of my life and all I had, why would you think that this is his fault?!”

“Nicole, please” Said Dr. Summers in an attempt to calm her down. “In all fairness this is not all about you, your son is obviously going through some sort of trauma and you need to try and be sympathetic toward what he is going through.”

“What HE is going through?! What about the fact that this family is now ruined?!” my mother gets up, starts holding herself and cries all at the same time.

I hate this. This side of her, she does this whenever things do not go her way. I’ve had to look out for her more than she’s done for me, and now that my father is…well gone, she has been even worse. I want to say something, to yell at her, to comfort her, but what?

“ENOUGH!!” screamed my little sister Louisa, who does not usually make a habit out of being loud. “Mom can’t you see that you are wrong?!” tears fill my sisters eyes “he was a bad man, daddy was…he hit you, he hit us, he didn’t care about us…and-and,” my sister could not continue. I quickly went over to take her in my arms, all that I felt I could do as her brother, shield her from the cruel world.

There was a long pause in the room; only the sound of tears could be heard. And Dr. Summers spoke up.

“You all have been through so much, but you cannot heal unless the truth is revealed and you are given time to properly grieve. Now I was given a file on your late husband Nicole, and he has quite the record. You three are a family and that means that you must work together in order to support each other at all cost. Now Josh, I believe now is the time for you to speak up. Do not worry about judgment, I am here to help you and that is all. I promise”

Finally I could no longer keep quiet.

“It was an average day... Louisa and I got home from school same as usual, and Dad was already drinking, same as usual. But today as different, he was complaining about not having enough for bills…and he saw us and lost it. He started screaming ‘you damn kids are sucking me dry’ and he charged at us. He pushed me out the way and struck Louisa across the face. I had no time to think, I had to protect her…so I tackled him. It all happened so fast, we struggled for a bit but I was able to push him off balance, right into the coffee table. I heard the worse snapping sound I could ever imagine…it was I could do to stop from vomiting, but I stopped him from hurting us again, I did what I had to do didn’t I?”

I was frozen in fear, I had never told anyone the truth before, and I was scared.

“Well now,” Dr. Summers started “you are not a monster at all are you Josh? When it comes down to the line we all have to do what it takes to survive in this world, and I think you made a noble choice in decided to defend your sister. Now that the truth is out we can start the road to recovery can’t we? I am mandating that you three attend weekly sessions with me for the next 6 months, so we can rebuild your relationship.”

My mother, finally knowing the truth that my father attacked first, could only nod her head in shock and disbelief.

 My sister, exciting about rebuilding her family, smiled for the first time since the incident.

And me? Well everything still felt like a dream, but if not for this therapy session things would have defiantly stayed a nightmare.

“Thank you Dr. Summers” was all I could manage to say.

Dr. Summers smiled “Oh Josh, my work has only just begun.”

The Star World

Welcome to the Star World, where nothing is perfect but everything is just.

Welcome to a world that was created out of pain and a lust  

For adventure, where we have evolved into beings who are now servants to love (un-indentured).

Here the only destruction is in the form of creation because this a world where we are truly trying to create the best nation, devoid of the temptation for devastation because we have stopped trying to drag each other down like crustaceans.

Welcome to a world where dreams are kept alive.

Here we do not see in color, we dream in it. The only black and whites that matter take the form of words on a page that lyrically phrase sentences and poems of beauty that in turn tase and stop ignorance dead in its tracks. 

Welcome to a world where the impossible happens everyday.

Here we craft stories. Not just bedtime tales, but imaginative masterpieces involving the rise of true heroes, the villains that try and stop them, and the darkness that is inside us all, fighting to break free and wreak havoc but we suppress it because letting evil out is a metaphorical strike three and  we cant have that.

Out stories cannot be contained by or be leather-bound, no our stories are star bound. With pages pale as moonlight, covers as bright and bold as sunlight, and forewords written by the GODS themselves letting readers know that it was OUR stories that kept them up thinking in THEIR beds at night.

Welcome to a world where the people know how to live.

Here children are taught to never lose faith within by parents who have felt the pressures of life and have come close to caving in.

Here single mothers and fathers balance work, a social life,raising babies, and holding in strife all in order to make sure their kids know what it means to work for something, to show them that nothing in this life worth having is easy getting.

Here all men are knights and all women are soldiers, but when it comes down to the line all knights would rather let their lights extinguish then let their soldiers fall because that's what distinguishes a weak man and a strong man. A strong man knows how to respect his soldier in ways that are not obscene so here ALL women are treated like queens!

Welcome to the Star World, a refuge created by a little boy who just wanted to live in a world where love and common sense rule as Royalty, and fear is not allowed anywhere near the throne.

Enjoy your stay.

The Letter

Dear...hell you know who this is too
Who else would be on my mind except you
Cause you see unlike you I cant toss others aside who are trying to help me get through my insane and upsetting times...enough. Let me start over

Shut up and listen, i feel i need to say this because you don't know how to let things like common sense in without questioning every detail, but then... I guess that problem with all of you strong females.

You back yourself into situational corners, whose boarders are defines by stubbornness, pride, and experience.

And you don't let anybody in... 

All I was trying to do was help, that was my plan, my motto...my intention. And yes things got out of hand and i knew i had to stick to the plan like feet to sand but you couldn't possibly understand how it felt to be me in that situation. I found something worthwhile while you found something worthless...less.

I wont lie, i dont know the future and id be lying id I told you i could...but i see where this is going. You are heading down a dark road not suited for a princess such as yourself. Im sorry did i say princess, i meant a queen who can bring joy to the lives of depressed loveless men with her laugh, whose smile is unique as a snowflake made of gold, and whose tendency to be alone confuses me for flowers like you deserved to be shown so that other flowers know how to properly grow.

Im an idiot for telling the truth. This much i know, but you are so magnificant, and amazing. Stop letting the world have its way with you and push back! And if you feel yourself about to crack for you back is bound to snap once the world mounts its attack then turn to the people who support you....

We have already covered I'm not that person so you have no reason to trust me, but take heed my dear, for pain is not a one night stand, but rather a dead end long term marriage that you have no pre-nup for. 

Stay smart, stay strong, stay you.

Yours truly,
Him

PETER PARKER

Go to school, hide the anger, swallow the pain.

Im pissed off all the time because of an event I had no power over, for I was nor here, there or anywhere.

I was a boy lost in my own world content to let reality unfurl before me as my mankind brethren before me have done. If things go well I can escape these beasts and join the winners circle where I could exclaim that life has begun.

Go to school, hide the anger, swallow the pain, get into a good college, one day maybe find a girl whose smart enough to look past the rumors spread about you. Survive.

And then it happened.

Bitten by fate, hardened by power, blinded by opportunity. 

At last my time would come, and I would show all those bullies how to really have fun...see I dont have to hide anymore, and those who were once chores to encounter will now bow down to my feet and adore me like should have done in the beginning... then maybe she will notice me... ME not those fake jocks looking fly, simply coasting by on the coattails of their built bodies and nice rides...me

And then it happened.

Fate turns into severed ties, power turns into guilt, opportunity turns into responsibility.

With great power comes great responsibility huh? welI I never asked to given this...this abomination of a gift, this blessing of a curse, this ability that just makes every part of my life better and worse... 

Save that for the young geniuses flying around in suits of armor they built, free of the pain and guilt

Save that for the angry green super strong monsters with hearts of gold

Save that for the kids being trained to harness their abilities at that "gifted school" in  Westchester, NY 

Im pissed off at the events that have forced me into becoming something guys like me are not supposed to be. I was your below average joe caught in the flow of ho-hums, high and lows, and the mundane situations that we have ALL come to know...im not fantastic nor marvelous.

Go to school , hide the anger, swallow the pain, protect the girl, never show em your face or reveal who your truly are.

Be a hero.

BEING THE NERDY-GOOD GUY

Okay...so I was angry/needed to vent so I made this jumbled up mess of a poem...enjoy =D.

This goes out to all my nerd fellas, yea you know who you are.

I'm not talking about those 4.0 guys in with the cool crowd so they were protected by the shroud of popularity.

I'm referring to those guys who, in a class full of misfits, got A's on their tests and were constantly harassed by ignorant classmates and would have been broken if not for their hate-proof vests.

Yea you know who you are.

Being a nerd is like being a Peter Parker instead of a Bruce Wayne, once people see our ideas they acknowledge our presence but until then we are stuck with the pain of being an "us" instead of a "them", and that friction that comes with the repetition of isolation leads to contemplation of life and whether we deserve to be in it or not...

Being the good guy is a load. Its a load of stress, a load of crap, and a load that constantly stacks  on top of your backs until the earth below you shakes, rattles, and cracks and you question the authority that bestowed onto you the "gift" of being good

Yea you know who you are

To my brethren who know that being the nerd is about being the guy who stays in on a friday night to study/hang out with his  close nerd friends because in the end we value life not as a constant party, but as a game in which survival depends on putting others ideals before our own needs

To all my good fellas who have attractive female friends with boyfriends not good enough for them, putting them down in the dark when we know all good girls deserve to be treated like flowers, given love and sunpower never meant to be stepped on by abusive men. But as our female friends complain we keep our thoughts hung and a knot in our tongue because we made a vow to all be there for the people we love, even when they make dumb decisions that don't fit them like a glove.

You know exactly who you are

To the nerds who were riddled with insecurities and thoughts of failure, who keep fighting to see light of a new morn because they had a vision of how to help the earth to be born. The nay sayers and haters who once had their way are now scared because in this football game of life, it is the nerd who have the ball on this final play.

To the good guys who know that doing the right thing is never easy...who know that nice guys do finish last but it is not a bad thing, for we can see how the future turns out for the bad guys, the guys who mocked us, pissed us off, and made us wish that their hearts would stop. We can see while we may not finish first, we certainly do not lose...

So to all my Nerdy-Good guys;

Next time someone asks why you still have your V-card, take pride in knowing its because the right girl just isn't part of our world yet and when she does come along we will have a bond that extends beyond the shallow hook up culture of the world around us.

Next time people ask why you hold doors open for everyone who comes through you smile and say "sometimes in life all we need is someone willing to open a door for us, after that we can find our own way"

And finally when someone asks why you chose to be a nerdy-good guy, you say you didn't chose it, but rather you were chosen for it!

Yea...you know who you are

Demons

So I had to write a rap for one of my classes...and I figured why not share it all with you lovely readers? So it is a tad bit random, but hey, everything I do is random ;D.

DEMONS

YO,

I can sense the demons

Following me like a shadow
I wanna shake em off but it’s a constant battle
They invade my mind, penetrate my soul
Killin’ laughs, life, love everything that I know.
And I hate it, knowing that I can’t get away
My legs are trying to run but I am stuck in today
Jesus why, the question pops up as I pray
I never wanted the hate now I’m stuck in the fray.

Why so many demons?

I’m just a boy caught in the ploy
No joy, unemployed, happiness devoid
so why bother with the charade see when they only deprave me?
I return like a phoenix in ashes, you can't slay me.
Cuz the freaks, The monsters, they on my side
They refuse to bow down to you and abide
So It’s sad, knowing that you used to be cool,
now your just stuck, using all these demons like a tool.

(Spoken: being different is not a curse man...why can' you demons see that?)

I’m sick of all these demons!

I get, I’m the one who plays offbeat
Guided only his heart and the rhythms of the street
I’m the pin that won’t lie down, the bull at the hoedown
These demons trying to make me stop but I won’t slowdown
So what? You jealous that I made it and you didn’t?
You mad cuz I always had a talent with the spittin’?
You hate me cuz all those pretty girls you were with,
Never came back to help your ass up in a pinch?

(Spoken: sucks doesn’t it, knowing the lifestyle that looks so appealing is the one that will screw you over in the end...)

Man, I can fight these demons

Creatures of darkness stare me down
but they can never shake me cuz I hold the crown
Take ‘em down I will, going in for the kill
if you demons couldn’t pay shouldn’t have snatched the bill
Do you see now?
That Only 1 can prevail, and in this case it looks that 1 is this male
The bird that flew higher with just causes and reasons
Is the one that won so I aint messing with these demons

WELCOME TO THE HIVE!!

Hello there my lovely readers, I am sorry it has been so long, but I am back =D, now reporting from the amazing University of Rochester.  Just wanted to take a few moments to really debrief and tell you all about a few of first impressions and experiences that I have had here in the first few weeks.

MOVING IN AND THE FIRST WEEK:

                Moving In was the first part of my college experience, and it was without a doubt one of the most ridiculous      first sites I could have possibly encountered coming into college. Imagine a slew of upperclassmen rockin’ brightly colored t-shirts laced with school pride, our school crest, and the phrase “Ask me why I love this school!” boldly printed across their backs. Here at URoc freshman are not expected to carry anything up to their respective rooms, the upperclassmen men and women do that for you. It symbolizes the family-like and caring not competitive environment that is one of the main foundations of our school. The whole fiasco lasted about 2 hours (lines were extremely long) but it was never a dull moment. I got to meet upperclassmen, laugh, and had the pleasure of our schools many a capella groups coming up to my car and singing to my family and I.

                The first week was full of awkwardness, unfamiliarity, and becoming immersed in a community that will house me for the next 4 years.  My hall, otherwise known as gates 2, was full of interesting and funny gentlemen from all over the U.S and beyond (URoc has a big international population). In the first night alone we bonded over eating foreign candies and randomly crashing into other rooms on our hall. The Resident Advisor in our hall was awesome and a very cool guy to talk too. It’s scary being away from home surrounded by 4,500 strangers, no matter how excited you are about college, and the first week was kind of a make it or break it deal for me. Well after three weeks I am proud to say that I made it, all my college fear have subsided (at least until Finals week) and I can now focus on having fun and working hard.
 WILSON DAY:

                One part of orientation here at Rochester is that you have to volunteer in some manner in some random location around the city of Rochester. The tradition is in place so that every freshman has a chance to bond with people outside his/her hall and see how important community service and volunteering is to the University. My task was to clean up the local cemetery (basically in the backyard of the University) and cut down unwanted plant life. Needless to say I had a blast and was able to work together with my hall for the first time since my arrival. I love that community service is seen as vital to the school I go to, because it just fills me with a sense of pride knowing that URoc and I are on the same wavelength.
 MY FRIENDS:

                It would be a lie to say that I have made waves and waves of them, but I have a good core 6-10 people that I have grown genuinely close too. My roommate and I hang out with the same people, so I got the chance to grow close to him as well, brilliant people all around. Unlike high school, I feel like all the people here are motivated and eager to push themselves both academically and socially. It’s refreshing knowing I am surrounded by people that are actively pursuing their dreams. I am expecting a good year with them =3.
 SCHOOL LIFE:

                I have an unconventional dream I want to pursue in life (dance therapy) therefore my interests and classes reflect my weirdness. All my classes are fun yet have a hint of challenge to them, just how I prefer them. It has been quite a hassle trying to make some sort of tangible schedule that I could use to keep track of my academic life, but winging it has also worked out just fine. I do not sleep til 2 am, I wake up and 8, and I spend time in between classes dancing, playing music, reading comics, gaming, or watching Netflix. This is the life I have dreamed of for years. I can finally prove that I can make it on my own. I am too stubborn to fail and have too much pride to let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do. Studying for hours and hours is a new experience, but it is a welcome one, for I know it will become an amazingly useful tool to me in the near future. But so far, I have found a good balance of fun and work.
                 This school is amazing. It really is perfect to me. Small yet elite, giving you freedom but also giving you ample direction, and having an amazing sense of school pride that is based off the moral values of responsibility and service to others. URoc is an appropriate nickname for this little corner of New York and it makes me happy to know that I am finally part of the yellow jacket family  whose primary purpose is to make the world:

 “EVER BETTER”

Last Words of a NY bound Starling

Its...weird...knowing that i will be leaving here in less than 24 hours...that my 7 years in Pinole boil down to one night. Im excited, im scared, and i just want to give as much advice as I can and try to help people stay on the right path because we all deserve a chance at success and greatness, so bear with me.


REFLECTION:


Thinking a lot about high school lately I realize how lucky i have been. I do not know a lot of people who can honestly say that they have seen themselves grow over their 4 high school years and steadily become the person they always saw themselves being. I am not trying to brag, but I am extremely proud of all that I have done, all the mistakes that I made, and all the times I got up after being knocked down.  Starlings are not the biggest of birds, but they are aggressive, they fight for what they love and want, so in that sense I feel I have done my name justice. I am still worried about the future, but I know that I have the strength confront any challenge that may come.


THE BAND:


I saw the band kids on the penultimate and final days of band camp this year and I knew I had to give a special mention to them. I started to tear up. Seeing them, my little buddies whom I have know since their freshmen years, leading the next generation of band youths...it just made me feel joy like no other. The band has been such a big part of my life and I didn't even know it until it was time for me to leave. To all underclassmen who may be reading this: JOIN A CLUB, join or establish a club doing something you love and you can easily find a family of people who will support you through your high school years. The band made my life so much funner and if any bandmate is reading this just know that you made the right choice joining band ;).


COLLEGE:


DO NOT FRET ABOUT COLLEGE. Seeing my junior friends stress over college really bugs me because there are a lot of things that we are not told about college that would really help when it comes time to apply. 1.) do not apply to a college you do not really want to go to. I know this seems obvious but many seniors applied to places like UC's and state school's as backup places. This is not a smart move, while I understand that you want a backup school that is easier to get into, but you NEED to pick a school that you actually WANT to go to. My advice: make a list of colleges you want go to in order of how difficult it is to get in, a list of 5 or 6 will do, and make sure you would be excited about going to. 2.) ivy leagues are overrated and you do not need to go there to get a good education. I know that most people think Ivy's are a golden ticket to life, but you need to be able to have a school that has what you need and the resources that you can access to make you successful.  If that is an ivy, fine, but do not base your life around going to one. You will be just fine without it :3. Last, WORK ON APPS EVERY BLOODY DAY. It is so easy for deadlines to pile up with school so just take things slow and make you sure you do a little everyday. Again this seems obvious, but you know how out generation is, "ill do it tomorrow" and the tomorrow never comes. Stay on your game, be smart, and enjoy your upperclassmen years :D.


THE NEW BEGINNING:


So thats all I guess, its been so amazing living here in Pinole, all the friends I made, adventures I have had, things I have learned...its hard to imagine leaving it all behind. But...I'LL BE BACK to visit and I will always keep Pinole close to my heart, along with everything it represents. Thank you to everyone who befriended me, supported me, loved me, etc. I promise to do my best and make my city and myself proud.


So farewell Pinole, The Star World is moving to ROCHESTER!!!!


Its time for this Starling to leave its nest C=<

Words Of An Alumnus

So…its been about a week since I graduated and I have been meaning to write something…something to inspire the underclassmen and new seniors of my school, but I had no idea what to say. How do you give advice without sounding like an arrogant bigot? Well this morning my mom shows me this documentary called “waiting for superman,” about the state of education in America…and how truly terrible it is. So I decided to give my advice/ reflection on my own education and how to survive as an indication of the road ahead. This is all completely random and uncoordinated.

THE SYSTEM:

            a little reality before the meat of the post. The school system sucks. That’s just the way this country is; we are spending more on the caretaking of prisoners then we are investing in the school systems of our children. Now I am not a parent myself, but I still think that is pretty screwed up. How can all these politicians and geniuses that run our country expect the next generation to succeed if our school systems are mediocre? The answer is they do not. Simply put we as the growing youth of America cannot just lie on our butts and wait for superman to come save us, so to speak. Regardless of how poor you think your school district is, how bad you think your teachers are, and how ill prepared you may feel, you must STRIVE. Do not let the chance to succeed in life slip by you because you spend all your energy blaming a broken school system. If it really bothers you , become someone who can change it, someone who is good enough to go through a poor system and still come out victorious yet compassionate  enough to acknowledge that the status quo needs to be changed. The reality of this country is that everyday students go through a public school system that is not designed for them to pass through, but we cannot let that stop us. If we stop now the system will not change and our children and children’s children will be doomed to go through the same things we did. We must survive this horrid system so that they do not have to. Little by little it is the burden of us to improve the world so that when the next generation comes to inherit it, it will be a better place ß--------- Corny but true.  

MY REFLECTION ON HIGH SCHOOL:

Here we go... All my life I have had the tendencies to try and make things as simple as possible. Wake up, eat, play, eat, dance, eat, sleep, etc. and it has irritated me when others tried to complicate things (overly complicated plans, complaints about problems that are not important, etc.) and naturally this mentality stay with me all throughout high school. I never knew where the future would lead, but I always knew it was going somewhere, and I also knew that as long as I did my part and took things day by day, that I would make it through. In fact that is probably the only thing in math I learned that I can apply to almost every aspect of life: when tackling a big problem, try to break it down into smaller functions and solve it from there. So I was never on of the people who viewed high school as a 4 year commitment or anything, I took everything day by day, because that’s the only way you can really focus on anything. Try to look ahead all the time and you cannot focus on where you are walking. So my advice to underclassmen would be this: set a goal, not a complicated one like “I want to be the top scientist of neurology in the world and find a cure for cancer while becoming president of mars in the 5^th dimension!,” but something simply like “I want to become a doctor of neurology,” and always keep that goal in mind. That is how you succeed, because when you take things day by day and always have that goal in mind, it makes it hard to stray from the path. When in class you think “I must do this to become a doctor,” it soon becomes more than just a goal, it becomes a dream. And true story, dreaming is how I made it through high school. My parents have always told me that I am going to college, so it just became something I knew, it was not a matter of self-motivation or me being arrogant, its just that my goal was to get to college, and I thought about it so much it became my dream, a dream that I would not let anybody stop. So underclassmen, find a goal and hold onto it until it becomes your dream, for the dream you have will be your on fuel and your own fire. Human beings have the potential to accomplish so much but a lot of times we just need to have a strong push, but when others are not around we need to be able to push ourselves!

High School is where I decided to start fighting for what I wanted, where my dreams become the spark that helped change be into a bold and confident person I feel like I am today. From the time little boy who walked into the band room the summer before freshman year to the senior who cares for his band mates and considers the band to be his second family, from the rhythm-less freshman to the senior who had 5 live dance performances this year, from a socially awkward teen to being voted “biggest social butterfly” by his senior class, I have changed. I will never look down on Pinole Valley because I know that high school has saved my life. It was allowed me the chance to pursue my dreams, find my niche, and develop bonds of friendship with some of the most amazing people ever. So go forth, do not be afraid to make mistakes, set a simple goal, take life day by day, and your own destiny will be revealed to you =3.

Just A Little Rant

I started this blog to share my opinions and thoughts on my own life and personal matters letting others into my world so to speak, so I find it appropriate that I talk a little about racism. I know what you’re thinking “another MLK wannabe preaching about equality,” well hush cause that’s not what this is about. There are two recent events that happened and I simply want to discuss the stupidity involved in both cases

HUNGER GAMES REACTIONS:

This story in general just pisses me off. I realize that not everyone reading this will be a hunger games fan, but I hope that you can still see the stupidity in this. Upon the realization that 3 main characters from the story (*SPOILER* 2 of which die in the movie) people took too twitter to express their outrage at Hollywood for ruining the movie by putting black characters in it. Saying things “the fact that so and so was black mad their death less sad to me / since when has so and so been a nigger / the coolest characters in the movie were black SMH / the fact that so and so were black kinda ruined the movie for me.” First of all, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Not only did they not read the book (which clearly states that 2 out of the 3 characters that were made black in the movie…were ACTUALLY black according to the books descriptions) but they are complete morons to say that black actors, which were amazing BTW, ruined the movie for them. Since when have we been stuck in the early 1900’s? Are we so used to major movies like harry potter having an all-white cast that we completely eliminate the idea of a black person being involved in any major book related movie? Anyone who thinks that the black people in anyway shape or from degrade the value of this movie is an idiot, plain and simple, I don’t care who you are. The fact that this was mostly MY generation saying all these stupid racist things hurt my soul, I weep for the future if something as small as this movie sparks a major racial outburst. ALSO, anyone who starts a twitter post with the phrase “im not a racist but…” 95% of the time is a racist and should be ignored. I am probably not making much sense right now, but my point is that this is stupid; racism in general is SO TERRIBLY FREAKING STUPID.

TRAVON MARTIN:

Okay I do not care what evidence is coming out in this case, who broke whose nose, and who this alleged witness was, let me preach common sense. Zimmerman (the SELF-PROCLAIMED neighborhood watch security officer) KILLED a 17 year old boy. Now that ALONE is enough to have had Zimmerman arrested on the spot, regardless of the race or gender of the person he shot. But that added to the fact that Zimmerman was obviously only following the kid because he was black (come on, nobody uses the word “coon” to describe a black person unless they are racist) and not a darn thing was done to him. He was not arrested, not through investigated until AFTER the realization of the hate crime spread, and there is a fairly good chance he could walk away a free man. People need to take the blinders off of their eyes and realize that Travon Martin’s is death is the result of a stupid hate crime. Simple as that. You cannot blame the hoodie, or the fact that it was raining, because the ugly truth is that if he were a white child then he would still be alive. I am so sick and tired of people not willing to realize that racism is still a prominent and unnecessary problem in this day and age and them just letting it continue. There was no reason for that boy to die, but maybe his death will serve to show people that racism needs to be given attention, we cannot simply ignore it or not talk about it. How much blood will be shed before we see the light?

Maybe it is just because I am a black male, or maybe it is because I was born with a magical gift known as common sense, but I think racism is stupid. Who are we to judge anyone based off of their skin color when in reality we know nothing about them. These hundreds of years of oppression have left a permanent impression in the minds of so many people in this country, and it does not make sense. Think about it. Does my being black have anything to do with my intelligence? Does your being Asian have anything to do with your strength? Does your being Latino or Latina have anything to do with your desires or dreams? In the end you are you, maybe a tad bit influenced by your culture, but certainly not defined by the color of your skin.

Racism is stupid, it is a bug splatter on the windshield of life that needs to be eliminated…rant over.

Not ashamed...just started writing

Not ashamed

Feel a combo of grief and ecstasy, don’t know why. Got the gift I truly wanted yet now that I have it, I’m afraid it will die. Thus is the pattern for the faux lone ranger, coping with illusions and delusions until his mind if like that of a distant stranger. My life has been a roller coaster of triumph and defeat, all swirling around in a cornucopia, molding to new shape with each major event, each trophy gained, each rejection thrown my way.

But I have never given up.

Fighting through hell and back to show them I exist when in reality I am more whole than they could ever desire. I am not ashamed to say I was cynical, or petty, or straight up evil, because I know sins are forgiven and hope springs eternal. For years I have clawed to improve myself for a dream that in reality was the son of my envy and my longing to be what I thought was a success. And I am sure as hell now not ashamed to say that’s all behind me

I am my freakin’ self.

See I am not ashamed to say that freshman year I was annoying, sophomore year I was distant, junior I was blooming, and now senior year I have made my home in the body of the me I think I am meant to be. friends have come and gone but the true ones stayed, forming my second family, my support system, and my crew all whilst being amazing in find their own true personalities. I’m not ashamed to say that I love because of my friends, who kept me up when others would demonize, criticize, and specialize in crucifying my soul in order to lift themselves up higher.

That’s all behind me.

Im no ashamed to say that my love life has been a wreck, relationships with high expectations crashing down like a comet so fast that I want to vomit on the sick feeling and time of ill breeding that they all seem to share. The world tries to play it off but men, teenagers, I do feel…yet I do not regret for I am not ashamed. “Lifes hard its no game” its truism and I knew it, and in terms of my relationships if crap hit the fan then im probably the one who threw it... Now with her I have to chance to start over, and I’m scared, wary of the past but even more frightened of the uncertain future we share, bound by natural connection and separated by years, Yet I am not ashamed to say that holding your hand in mine, against all odds, makes me feel like everything it is okay…

Ezekiel Jordan Starling

The name of this brave soul who fears no judgment and only wishes to enlighten others who might otherwise be in the dark, torn apart, or weary in their hearts.  Do not curse god nor government for any bad luck you may be down on, instead turn your heads toward the clouds where the angels, whether you believe in them or not, smile down upon, realize the strength of your own identity and remember.

Do not be ashamed…

Okay...so this is kind of weird, but this features my friends, the animals and symbols halfway through this are all representations of one of my friends and some of their qualities. That is all, enjoy.

WHY WE FIGHT

We fight to win. We fight because this world is cruel and unusual and on a daily basis we deal the ignorant and racist and get subtle implications of detonation. We are warriors. Warriors bred to engage in constant battle against life and expected to not falter in our resolve nor slow our stride as we constantly walk toward that final gate.

            We have always fought. Since our birthing into this world the forces of chaos and discord have tried to end us, corrupt us, steal us from purity and force us into sin and savagery. From our sweet childhood of our friends telling us it’s okay to throw rocks at cars to our high school ventures where “friends” may try to force a joint or cigarette through your dentures.  And the end result is we either win or we lose, there is no draw, no medium difficulty, no straw to land in if you fall, and no semi-glory.

           

            We fight to achieve our dreams and to quiet the evil that, when it’s in our heads, screams. It screams claiming it has seen the future and fore seen that we are to fail, kill, pillage, and end up in a mental jail. Yet… even against the depression, against the corrupt nature of the world, against ALL odds we fight. It may not be right but it is our plight to fight so that we can make our own destiny can take flight…a destiny that we warriors carved with our swords of light, and truth..

            And it is not just us, all of nature lashes out in order to protect its own and leave proof of its existence that is devoid of darkness.

The Flower, ever standing its ground, refuses to barge and be controlled by oppressive parental winds, and while it may be repressed, its fighting so that sunny days may come again and its cheerful pollen can spread and protect its loved ones.

The Beauty, unaware of its own powerful presence looks to improve itself while at the same time searching for a soul mate whose love comes from just that, their soul, and not just their lustful desire to mate.

The Chipmunk, always oppressed and looked down upon by the very being who created it, fights to always stand up for what it believes in, against the harshness of winter and traumas, so that it may one day find the right path.

The Pixie and Fairy, tiny yet strong, command their lives with graceful force and fight against the dark voice within themselves that drag them down, knowing deep down how amazing and powerful they truly are.

The Clowns, joyous by nature, fight to never let heartbreak, depression, and the weight of the world get the best of them.

The Sheep flocks to happiness and peace, fighting to prevent bad thoughts and dreams from blocking its path, leaping over them as if a fence in order to enjoy a tranquil sleep.

The Eland hardly speaks nor shows emotional, yet it fights ignorance and hatred that is spewed toward its direction, never forgetting that being unique is a gift not a curse.

The Lightning Bolt, as odd is it may seem, is eager to fight against all evil to protect those in need, with a smile on its face it never waivers in its resolve to win.

The Panda, is confused….yet even in its confusion it serves as a bright beacon of hope to all it encounters and fights to keep this tireless light from going out.

And The Stereotype... fights to show people they are wrong, tired of being a statistic yet a pround symbol of the truths we hid from ourselves, it boldly and sleeplessly strives to achieve its dream: to find truth in a dark world.

            We all fight…not to hurt, or to kill, but to survive, and strive. To gain freedom from malevolent futures and detrimental paths…because we are human..

            We fight to make our own destiny…

True compassion

another poem for yall lovely people 

You know…we put so much time and effort into portraying how perfect our hearts are and displaying our capacity for compassion. Bragging about how they will always lead us in the right direction, being masters of detection and protection yet most people know nothing about what it takes to be truly compassionate.

Compassion is a curse, yes I said curse. It is a dark gift that forces us to do the unthinkable in our modern world and put others before ourselves, stack their own desires atop spiritual shelves and put their souls on line just to help someone else. Sticking ones neck out without fear of it being snapped or slashed, for in place of a bruise or gash there will only be…love, but we refuse to see that. To us compassion is to pity the man on the corner begging for coins instead of giving him spare change, and we have the nerve to call him deranged, when it is our motives that are weird and strange. We see our friend whom we have known for years, sad and alone, face covered in dry tears and we simply pass them by…never wanted to look weak in the eyes of reality that lie hidden somewhere in the sky.

“We never asked for this” you may say, pushing your inner guilt down. “We want to help others, but we do not know how”… So learn.

Learn to be the one who allows this amazing contraption inside us that is the heart resonate and connect with others instead of being a useless symbol in a love caption. Reaching out to people is not as complicated as it seems, for we have the means to love and banish the darkness surrounding a person’s soul away with our spiritual beams. Stop being afraid. There are people out there suffering and crying out for help, people going through the same thing as you and I, people just as human as you and I.

And please…do not just mark my words off as a desperate man preaching needlessly because that’s not the point. The point is we owe it to our own humanity to help others in any way we can. Our modern world has shaped us into a people that work to secure their own seatbelts, but never check the seats of those next to us, those close to us, and far from us, and we find it incredibly joyous when they get thrown from the plane instead of us. We cannot survive as a race if we do this. True Compassion is irrational, not factual and certain insane, because it involves being unselfish…something we as people have not yet mastered… but we have the ability to...to true be there for someone in need while they plead on hands and knees for a savior we can be there to support them and be a metaphorical floor to them until they learn to take off and soar on their own.

True compassion is love, it is being there when not asked to be there, it is an eternal gift that can always be re-gifted and shared …and it is something we are all capable all.

Think about it…