Words Of An Alumnus

So…its been about a week since I graduated and I have been meaning to write something…something to inspire the underclassmen and new seniors of my school, but I had no idea what to say. How do you give advice without sounding like an arrogant bigot? Well this morning my mom shows me this documentary called “waiting for superman,” about the state of education in America…and how truly terrible it is. So I decided to give my advice/ reflection on my own education and how to survive as an indication of the road ahead. This is all completely random and uncoordinated.

THE SYSTEM:

            a little reality before the meat of the post. The school system sucks. That’s just the way this country is; we are spending more on the caretaking of prisoners then we are investing in the school systems of our children. Now I am not a parent myself, but I still think that is pretty screwed up. How can all these politicians and geniuses that run our country expect the next generation to succeed if our school systems are mediocre? The answer is they do not. Simply put we as the growing youth of America cannot just lie on our butts and wait for superman to come save us, so to speak. Regardless of how poor you think your school district is, how bad you think your teachers are, and how ill prepared you may feel, you must STRIVE. Do not let the chance to succeed in life slip by you because you spend all your energy blaming a broken school system. If it really bothers you , become someone who can change it, someone who is good enough to go through a poor system and still come out victorious yet compassionate  enough to acknowledge that the status quo needs to be changed. The reality of this country is that everyday students go through a public school system that is not designed for them to pass through, but we cannot let that stop us. If we stop now the system will not change and our children and children’s children will be doomed to go through the same things we did. We must survive this horrid system so that they do not have to. Little by little it is the burden of us to improve the world so that when the next generation comes to inherit it, it will be a better place ß--------- Corny but true.  

MY REFLECTION ON HIGH SCHOOL:

Here we go... All my life I have had the tendencies to try and make things as simple as possible. Wake up, eat, play, eat, dance, eat, sleep, etc. and it has irritated me when others tried to complicate things (overly complicated plans, complaints about problems that are not important, etc.) and naturally this mentality stay with me all throughout high school. I never knew where the future would lead, but I always knew it was going somewhere, and I also knew that as long as I did my part and took things day by day, that I would make it through. In fact that is probably the only thing in math I learned that I can apply to almost every aspect of life: when tackling a big problem, try to break it down into smaller functions and solve it from there. So I was never on of the people who viewed high school as a 4 year commitment or anything, I took everything day by day, because that’s the only way you can really focus on anything. Try to look ahead all the time and you cannot focus on where you are walking. So my advice to underclassmen would be this: set a goal, not a complicated one like “I want to be the top scientist of neurology in the world and find a cure for cancer while becoming president of mars in the 5^th dimension!,” but something simply like “I want to become a doctor of neurology,” and always keep that goal in mind. That is how you succeed, because when you take things day by day and always have that goal in mind, it makes it hard to stray from the path. When in class you think “I must do this to become a doctor,” it soon becomes more than just a goal, it becomes a dream. And true story, dreaming is how I made it through high school. My parents have always told me that I am going to college, so it just became something I knew, it was not a matter of self-motivation or me being arrogant, its just that my goal was to get to college, and I thought about it so much it became my dream, a dream that I would not let anybody stop. So underclassmen, find a goal and hold onto it until it becomes your dream, for the dream you have will be your on fuel and your own fire. Human beings have the potential to accomplish so much but a lot of times we just need to have a strong push, but when others are not around we need to be able to push ourselves!

High School is where I decided to start fighting for what I wanted, where my dreams become the spark that helped change be into a bold and confident person I feel like I am today. From the time little boy who walked into the band room the summer before freshman year to the senior who cares for his band mates and considers the band to be his second family, from the rhythm-less freshman to the senior who had 5 live dance performances this year, from a socially awkward teen to being voted “biggest social butterfly” by his senior class, I have changed. I will never look down on Pinole Valley because I know that high school has saved my life. It was allowed me the chance to pursue my dreams, find my niche, and develop bonds of friendship with some of the most amazing people ever. So go forth, do not be afraid to make mistakes, set a simple goal, take life day by day, and your own destiny will be revealed to you =3.

Just A Little Rant

I started this blog to share my opinions and thoughts on my own life and personal matters letting others into my world so to speak, so I find it appropriate that I talk a little about racism. I know what you’re thinking “another MLK wannabe preaching about equality,” well hush cause that’s not what this is about. There are two recent events that happened and I simply want to discuss the stupidity involved in both cases

HUNGER GAMES REACTIONS:

This story in general just pisses me off. I realize that not everyone reading this will be a hunger games fan, but I hope that you can still see the stupidity in this. Upon the realization that 3 main characters from the story (*SPOILER* 2 of which die in the movie) people took too twitter to express their outrage at Hollywood for ruining the movie by putting black characters in it. Saying things “the fact that so and so was black mad their death less sad to me / since when has so and so been a nigger / the coolest characters in the movie were black SMH / the fact that so and so were black kinda ruined the movie for me.” First of all, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Not only did they not read the book (which clearly states that 2 out of the 3 characters that were made black in the movie…were ACTUALLY black according to the books descriptions) but they are complete morons to say that black actors, which were amazing BTW, ruined the movie for them. Since when have we been stuck in the early 1900’s? Are we so used to major movies like harry potter having an all-white cast that we completely eliminate the idea of a black person being involved in any major book related movie? Anyone who thinks that the black people in anyway shape or from degrade the value of this movie is an idiot, plain and simple, I don’t care who you are. The fact that this was mostly MY generation saying all these stupid racist things hurt my soul, I weep for the future if something as small as this movie sparks a major racial outburst. ALSO, anyone who starts a twitter post with the phrase “im not a racist but…” 95% of the time is a racist and should be ignored. I am probably not making much sense right now, but my point is that this is stupid; racism in general is SO TERRIBLY FREAKING STUPID.

TRAVON MARTIN:

Okay I do not care what evidence is coming out in this case, who broke whose nose, and who this alleged witness was, let me preach common sense. Zimmerman (the SELF-PROCLAIMED neighborhood watch security officer) KILLED a 17 year old boy. Now that ALONE is enough to have had Zimmerman arrested on the spot, regardless of the race or gender of the person he shot. But that added to the fact that Zimmerman was obviously only following the kid because he was black (come on, nobody uses the word “coon” to describe a black person unless they are racist) and not a darn thing was done to him. He was not arrested, not through investigated until AFTER the realization of the hate crime spread, and there is a fairly good chance he could walk away a free man. People need to take the blinders off of their eyes and realize that Travon Martin’s is death is the result of a stupid hate crime. Simple as that. You cannot blame the hoodie, or the fact that it was raining, because the ugly truth is that if he were a white child then he would still be alive. I am so sick and tired of people not willing to realize that racism is still a prominent and unnecessary problem in this day and age and them just letting it continue. There was no reason for that boy to die, but maybe his death will serve to show people that racism needs to be given attention, we cannot simply ignore it or not talk about it. How much blood will be shed before we see the light?

Maybe it is just because I am a black male, or maybe it is because I was born with a magical gift known as common sense, but I think racism is stupid. Who are we to judge anyone based off of their skin color when in reality we know nothing about them. These hundreds of years of oppression have left a permanent impression in the minds of so many people in this country, and it does not make sense. Think about it. Does my being black have anything to do with my intelligence? Does your being Asian have anything to do with your strength? Does your being Latino or Latina have anything to do with your desires or dreams? In the end you are you, maybe a tad bit influenced by your culture, but certainly not defined by the color of your skin.

Racism is stupid, it is a bug splatter on the windshield of life that needs to be eliminated…rant over.

Not ashamed...just started writing

Not ashamed

Feel a combo of grief and ecstasy, don’t know why. Got the gift I truly wanted yet now that I have it, I’m afraid it will die. Thus is the pattern for the faux lone ranger, coping with illusions and delusions until his mind if like that of a distant stranger. My life has been a roller coaster of triumph and defeat, all swirling around in a cornucopia, molding to new shape with each major event, each trophy gained, each rejection thrown my way.

But I have never given up.

Fighting through hell and back to show them I exist when in reality I am more whole than they could ever desire. I am not ashamed to say I was cynical, or petty, or straight up evil, because I know sins are forgiven and hope springs eternal. For years I have clawed to improve myself for a dream that in reality was the son of my envy and my longing to be what I thought was a success. And I am sure as hell now not ashamed to say that’s all behind me

I am my freakin’ self.

See I am not ashamed to say that freshman year I was annoying, sophomore year I was distant, junior I was blooming, and now senior year I have made my home in the body of the me I think I am meant to be. friends have come and gone but the true ones stayed, forming my second family, my support system, and my crew all whilst being amazing in find their own true personalities. I’m not ashamed to say that I love because of my friends, who kept me up when others would demonize, criticize, and specialize in crucifying my soul in order to lift themselves up higher.

That’s all behind me.

Im no ashamed to say that my love life has been a wreck, relationships with high expectations crashing down like a comet so fast that I want to vomit on the sick feeling and time of ill breeding that they all seem to share. The world tries to play it off but men, teenagers, I do feel…yet I do not regret for I am not ashamed. “Lifes hard its no game” its truism and I knew it, and in terms of my relationships if crap hit the fan then im probably the one who threw it... Now with her I have to chance to start over, and I’m scared, wary of the past but even more frightened of the uncertain future we share, bound by natural connection and separated by years, Yet I am not ashamed to say that holding your hand in mine, against all odds, makes me feel like everything it is okay…

Ezekiel Jordan Starling

The name of this brave soul who fears no judgment and only wishes to enlighten others who might otherwise be in the dark, torn apart, or weary in their hearts.  Do not curse god nor government for any bad luck you may be down on, instead turn your heads toward the clouds where the angels, whether you believe in them or not, smile down upon, realize the strength of your own identity and remember.

Do not be ashamed…

Okay...so this is kind of weird, but this features my friends, the animals and symbols halfway through this are all representations of one of my friends and some of their qualities. That is all, enjoy.

WHY WE FIGHT

We fight to win. We fight because this world is cruel and unusual and on a daily basis we deal the ignorant and racist and get subtle implications of detonation. We are warriors. Warriors bred to engage in constant battle against life and expected to not falter in our resolve nor slow our stride as we constantly walk toward that final gate.

            We have always fought. Since our birthing into this world the forces of chaos and discord have tried to end us, corrupt us, steal us from purity and force us into sin and savagery. From our sweet childhood of our friends telling us it’s okay to throw rocks at cars to our high school ventures where “friends” may try to force a joint or cigarette through your dentures.  And the end result is we either win or we lose, there is no draw, no medium difficulty, no straw to land in if you fall, and no semi-glory.

           

            We fight to achieve our dreams and to quiet the evil that, when it’s in our heads, screams. It screams claiming it has seen the future and fore seen that we are to fail, kill, pillage, and end up in a mental jail. Yet… even against the depression, against the corrupt nature of the world, against ALL odds we fight. It may not be right but it is our plight to fight so that we can make our own destiny can take flight…a destiny that we warriors carved with our swords of light, and truth..

            And it is not just us, all of nature lashes out in order to protect its own and leave proof of its existence that is devoid of darkness.

The Flower, ever standing its ground, refuses to barge and be controlled by oppressive parental winds, and while it may be repressed, its fighting so that sunny days may come again and its cheerful pollen can spread and protect its loved ones.

The Beauty, unaware of its own powerful presence looks to improve itself while at the same time searching for a soul mate whose love comes from just that, their soul, and not just their lustful desire to mate.

The Chipmunk, always oppressed and looked down upon by the very being who created it, fights to always stand up for what it believes in, against the harshness of winter and traumas, so that it may one day find the right path.

The Pixie and Fairy, tiny yet strong, command their lives with graceful force and fight against the dark voice within themselves that drag them down, knowing deep down how amazing and powerful they truly are.

The Clowns, joyous by nature, fight to never let heartbreak, depression, and the weight of the world get the best of them.

The Sheep flocks to happiness and peace, fighting to prevent bad thoughts and dreams from blocking its path, leaping over them as if a fence in order to enjoy a tranquil sleep.

The Eland hardly speaks nor shows emotional, yet it fights ignorance and hatred that is spewed toward its direction, never forgetting that being unique is a gift not a curse.

The Lightning Bolt, as odd is it may seem, is eager to fight against all evil to protect those in need, with a smile on its face it never waivers in its resolve to win.

The Panda, is confused….yet even in its confusion it serves as a bright beacon of hope to all it encounters and fights to keep this tireless light from going out.

And The Stereotype... fights to show people they are wrong, tired of being a statistic yet a pround symbol of the truths we hid from ourselves, it boldly and sleeplessly strives to achieve its dream: to find truth in a dark world.

            We all fight…not to hurt, or to kill, but to survive, and strive. To gain freedom from malevolent futures and detrimental paths…because we are human..

            We fight to make our own destiny…

True compassion

another poem for yall lovely people 

You know…we put so much time and effort into portraying how perfect our hearts are and displaying our capacity for compassion. Bragging about how they will always lead us in the right direction, being masters of detection and protection yet most people know nothing about what it takes to be truly compassionate.

Compassion is a curse, yes I said curse. It is a dark gift that forces us to do the unthinkable in our modern world and put others before ourselves, stack their own desires atop spiritual shelves and put their souls on line just to help someone else. Sticking ones neck out without fear of it being snapped or slashed, for in place of a bruise or gash there will only be…love, but we refuse to see that. To us compassion is to pity the man on the corner begging for coins instead of giving him spare change, and we have the nerve to call him deranged, when it is our motives that are weird and strange. We see our friend whom we have known for years, sad and alone, face covered in dry tears and we simply pass them by…never wanted to look weak in the eyes of reality that lie hidden somewhere in the sky.

“We never asked for this” you may say, pushing your inner guilt down. “We want to help others, but we do not know how”… So learn.

Learn to be the one who allows this amazing contraption inside us that is the heart resonate and connect with others instead of being a useless symbol in a love caption. Reaching out to people is not as complicated as it seems, for we have the means to love and banish the darkness surrounding a person’s soul away with our spiritual beams. Stop being afraid. There are people out there suffering and crying out for help, people going through the same thing as you and I, people just as human as you and I.

And please…do not just mark my words off as a desperate man preaching needlessly because that’s not the point. The point is we owe it to our own humanity to help others in any way we can. Our modern world has shaped us into a people that work to secure their own seatbelts, but never check the seats of those next to us, those close to us, and far from us, and we find it incredibly joyous when they get thrown from the plane instead of us. We cannot survive as a race if we do this. True Compassion is irrational, not factual and certain insane, because it involves being unselfish…something we as people have not yet mastered… but we have the ability to...to true be there for someone in need while they plead on hands and knees for a savior we can be there to support them and be a metaphorical floor to them until they learn to take off and soar on their own.

True compassion is love, it is being there when not asked to be there, it is an eternal gift that can always be re-gifted and shared …and it is something we are all capable all.

Think about it… 

End of 2011

It has been a good year…it really has, and I have accomplished more this year than I have in any other year. To all my friends who supported me this year, I would just like to say thank you, and that it is you all that keep me on the right track =3.

I want to end this year without any regrets, of course I have made some mistakes in 2011, but that’s not what I chose to focus on. I chose to believe in my own abilities and pursue a brighter future and I urge everyone who reads this to do the same. Reflect on the past but do not dwell on it, life is too short and we have too much to do to be distracted by things that have already happened and therefore we have no control over.

When I think about all the stuff I have done in 2011…found love, lost love, made new amazing friends, and learned a new way to look at life, it is kind of surreal that it past by so quickly. Time just creeps by when no one is looking and before we know it is the next day, then next week, then month, and so on. So we have to the make the best out of every single day in any way we can, without stupid things like anger and violence clouding our minds.

My New Year’s Resolution? To make the best of myself that I possibly can. This will be the year that I go off to college, so I will to my best to try and spread positive energy wherever I go. I know just how corny that sounds, but I am sure I can accomplish this goal as long as I keep my head up. I resolve to no longer be scared by the unknown, as terrifying as it is, I resolve to learn to face it. Being humans we have to ability to create in ways that no other race on this planet can do, but our fear of things we do not understand hinders us from truly getting things done. So let’s get over. All of us, all the negative things we hold onto and fear, lets just throw it out and start this year in the right way.

  Positivity  spreads and if we all look forward to the future than the scares of the past will eventually fade.

Thank you all for reading my random blog of insanity and madness in 2011 and I hope you continue to read in the year that follows, until then

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!

Back From Hiatus...and Insane

I have often question my own sanity, analyzing my psyche to see what kind of person I am or how far gone I am…and I have to come to the conclusion that I am insane…

I am no saint, and I have never claimed to be, my I try my best to help those I care about realize the potential in themselves when I refuse to do the same when it comes to me. I tell to always because they can do so much more than they realize, but at the end of the day I am the one in my room doubting his own abilities.  I guess I do this so others will not end up second guessing themselves like I do…but it doesn’t not change the fact that with every hypocritical statement I make I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into an abyss that I cannot work my way out of. To be honest I do not know why this is. I mean my childhood was not traumatic; I have never lost a family member in a violent and/or sudden way (knock on wood), and usually I am one of the most upbeat people you will find. But on nights like this...where it is just me and my thoughts…all I have to contemplate is my insane nature.

I am a hypocrite. I do not practice what I preach. I admit this because I know that there are those out who are not willing to do the same. To me the preservation of human life and future generations has always been a main goal of mine. Whether it is giving freshman a pep talk or simply holding a door for an elderly women crossing the street, I always try to bring out the best in people…or at least this is what I say. I have no idea what kind of person I am anymore due to my nature of not staying true to promises…and I am freaking tired of it. I know the kind of person I want to be and how to get there, but the practice of actually doing so requires the implication of confidence tactics and methods that I am not used to. I cannot even defend my own dreams at this point.

I hate how every time I try and do something I am held back by my own fear of failure. Even though my track record of failure is not very big at all, I still always look toward the negative side of things when it involves girls, or my own abilities, or even my schoolwork. The things that make me myself are constantly being put on trial in my head where insanity is the judge, fear is the jury, hypocrisy is the jury, and confidence is the outmatched Phoenix Wright defense attorney that is doing his best to win the case.

I want to change. I want to get over all my B.S sorrows and really see the positive things the world has to offer instead the inherent evil that comes with life. I am not afraid to admit any of this because I know there are people who feel the same as me…to them I urge them to keep their heads up because we never know what the future holds and nothing is set in stone.

I do not like being insane…I want to change…